Rebecca Matthews feels the fear and walks down the aisle anyway...
I've never been one for performing. Growing up as the eldest of four siblings in a musical family (some people still describe us as 'Cornwall's answer to the Von Trapps'), I was always most comfortable in my role as 'the audience member'. While my songstress sisters and spotlight-seeking brother acted, danced and sang their childhoods away, I was the constant observer - or as, the '80s gave way to the '90s and we discovered the wonderful world of the video camera - I was the director/camerawoman/anything-that-didn't-involve-being-seen while my siblings tirelessly competed for cinematic supremacy.
As one who shrugs the spotlight, when watching wedding ceremonies, I've always felt an intense flutter of butterflies in my stomach on behalf of the bride as she takes those first majestic steps, and makes the seemingly endless journey to the altar to meet her groom. That colossal, heart-thumping, electricity-charged moment when all eyes are on her.
My earliest memories were Charlene and Scott in 'Neighbours' (how did she keep it together with Madge sobbing, all those emotion-charged glances criss-crossing the church and the emotion-shredding 'Suddenly' guitar solo?) and Maria and Captain von Trapp in 'The Sound of Music' (that endless aisle, the nuns' chorus, the din of bells, the deliciously over-the-top grandeur of it all). It's tear-jerking stuff.
In my teenage years, it was all about the intensity of Axel Rose and Stephanie Seymour's aisle moment - and the sea of hairy rockers turning to appreciate her high-low hem - in Guns n Roses' 'November Rain' video. And, more recently, we've had Carrie and Big, Bella and Edward and, of course, Kate Middleton and Prince William (my heart thumped and nerves jangled for Kate as a billion sets of eyes watched her make her way down that long, long aisle).
Of course, I wasn't going to have quite as many people watching my arrival but, when Brendan and I started planning our wedding, I'd be lying if I said I didn't anticipate that moment with some trepidation.
And I'm not alone. A lot of readers have revealed that most of their pre-wedding nerves are bound up with that moment. How am I going to react? Will I be overwhelmed by a tidal wave of emotion? Will I suffer extreme stage fright? Will that moment - so entrenched in our collective consciousness - not be the Hollywood picture I've dreamed about? And, of course, for brides like myself, who are less-than-graceful when wearing heels - will I fall over?
However, I took heart from the countless brides I've interviewed for our 'Got Wed' section over the years, who - despite their nerves - have counted that experience as the highlight of the day. That heart-thumping feeling as the doors swing open, the first notes of the arrival music sound and that wonderful, head-spinning instant when you lock eyes on your beloved for the first time. "I suddenly felt a wave of calm and got that warm, fuzzy feeling that all was right in the world! I wish I could relive this moment over and over again!" says Emma, who married Darren this summer.
And so my turn came. It was a heady, surreal moment, almost like an out-of-body experience. I floated down the aisle to the comforting melody of our favourite song. And it dawned on me: all those eyes I was so worried about were those of my family and friends. They were happy, expectant, twinkling eyes. Eyes I knew and loved.
Of course, there were tears. I was aware of the quivering shoulders of my mum and oldest friend who, never ones to hold back, were shaking with emotion. I looked at Brendan's smiling, misted eyes - and, in the name of keeping it together - I looked at the vicar. And he was crying too.
I remember feeding off the palpable joy and emotion and, arriving at the altar, feeling calm, happy - and not a nerve in sight.
Copyright WED magazine 2013
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