Let us lead you through the bridesmaid basics so that you can start planning for your right-hand ladies with confidence.
photo Savvie Photography
The matter of maids
In days gone by, bridesmaids were chosen for a functional reason: to help dress and get the bride ready, to carry her train down the aisle and to hold her bouquet while she said her vows. They were the bridal equivalent of ladies-in-waiting.
Today, bridesmaids are still chosen to help the bride but, with hairdressers, make-up artists and contemporary wedding gowns (without Lady Diana-esque trains), the role focuses more on the fun stuff such as organising the hen do or advising the bride on her choice of dress.
photo Lee Searle
The big question
Who you choose is completely up to you, but if you are looking for good friends to help you plan a relaxing hen do at a luxury spa, perhaps don't choose your crazy mate from work who has been hinting at male strippers and penis shaped chocolate for the last three months.
It is always difficult if you have lots of friends who could well be up to the task, but perhaps your budget can't stretch to accommodate them all. Think about the girls in question: would some hate the role anyway? Do you have sisters so it can come down to choosing family over friends? The best way to tackle any dilemma like this one is to be honest from the outset and tell friends or family members that you'd love to have them all but ultimately you can't or there would be no female guests left.
photo Green Photographic
If you decide to go for friends who don't know each other, it may be worth considering if they will get on or if there is likely to be a clash of personalities that could end up causing you unnecessary stress.
Why not have a girly dinner or pub trip to get some of your best mates together to celebrate your good news? That way, you can do a little investigative work as to who gets on and who doesn't. It may not make or break your decision but it will certainly be a guide when deciding who takes the lead in arranging your hen weekend or who sits where on the table plans.
The frock factor
You may have a favourite colour or theme in mind, so let your bridesmaids know straight away what you are thinking and if possible try to arrange a shopping day together so they can have fun trying on different dresses. Your bridesmaids are unlikely to object unless you have something a little OTT in mind - a hot pink slinky mini-dress might not suit everyone for example.
If your 'maids are different sizes and heights, do they really all need to wear the exact same dress? Many brides opt to give bridesmaids a colour scheme, such as jewelled tones or pastel shades, that gives them the option to pick a dress that suits them individually but still looks gorgeous as a group.
photo Ashley Hampson
Black dresses may not be traditional but you can add colour with flowers and accessories. What's more, if you have bridesmaids spread all over the country (or even the world), it will certainly make it easy for them to find dresses that will match on the day. A less matchy-matchy frock scheme also works well for more mature bridesmaids who might not want to wear prom style dresses with a tulle underskirt.
Another way of making your bridesmaids stand out from the crowd is not having a set colour scheme at all and opting for floral or patterned dresses; for example, a floral '50s style number looks beautiful at a spring or summer wedding.
The maid manifesto
Officially the bridesmaids' (and more specifically, the chief bridesmaid's) duties include organising the hen do, including any costume (or not!) for the bride and other hens, games for the hen and booking tables at restaurants/pubs/clubs etc. They may seek your advice on this so it is best to be honest about what you want to do.
On the wedding day bridesmaids tend to get ready with the bride and are there to ensure that everything runs smoothly, and that the bride looks gorgeous and has everything she needs. You may want to ask your bridesmaids to be a calming influence, especially if you know flower girls or your mother-in-law are going to be highly stressed and excited. Your chief bridesmaid will be responsible for doing the last minute fix-up on your train and veil and also taking your flowers from you when you reach the end of the aisle.
It is growing increasingly common for chief bridesmaids to make a little speech about the bride. You might only want to ask a confident friend to do this for you in case nerves are going to get in the way of her enjoyment of the day.
A time for thanks
You need to make sure your bridesmaids are not feeling too pressurised in the lead up to your big day. Give them the help they need to get organised and try not to get upset if they don't get something exactly how you pictured it.
A bride normally buys a little thank you gift or gives a card to her bridesmaids. A good idea might be to treat your girls to a piece of jewellery to wear on the day that they can treasure after it's over. Even just a thank you card with some heartfelt words is a lovely gesture that says what you might not be able to convey on the day when emotions are already running high and you don't want to smudge your make-up.
Don't forget to ask the best man to raise a toast to the bridesmaids as an official thank you for their help.
photo David McNeil
Dilemma time
When a bridesmaid becomes brides(maid)zilla...
It was all going so smoothly (or so you thought) and then your maid of honour decides she can't 'do heels' and isn't comfortable in red. Firstly, remain calm; look back at your decisions and check you haven't been the difficult one. If you feel you have been reasonable then sit your maid down and talk away from the other girls to see if you can at least come to a compromise - how about a lower heel? What about a more muted red? If not, can you work out something that will work just for her - perhaps a gold flat shoe that still looks cute? Or could she wear a different colour?
Can you 'cancel' a bridesmaid?
If one of your bridesmaids is being really awkward or clashing with another friend, take them to one side and ask them why - perhaps they feel left out or have other reasons for their tricky behaviour. If they continue to cause you unnecessary stress then be honest and say how you feel. If they still refuse to help or listen to you then why not ask them if they'd prefer to do a reading or be involved with your wedding in a different way? Ultimately it is your wedding and you don't want to look back with regrets; at the same time, remember these girls are your closest friends and you don't want to lose them over something trivial.
photo Lee Searle
Pregnant bridesmaids
It is a reality that a woman's childbearing years also coincide with the time we are most likely to get hitched so there is a chance one of your friends could be pregnant. If it will be an early stages pregnancy you might want to consider getting her dress in a larger size that can be altered if needed closer to the day; or, if she will be further along the pregnancy perhaps she could wear a different outfit altogether. If you would really rather not have her as a bridesmaid, deal with the situation sensitively and talk to her alone - perhaps she would rather not be on her feet for hours in a short dress either! Ask her to do a speech or a reading or to be involved in another equally important way.
And finally...
Remember to enjoy the experience of spending lots of time with your best mates in the lead up to your wedding. With your friends around you as you say your vows, all those minor issues from heels to hairstyles will seem oh so insignificant.
MAID MEMENTOES
Say thank you to your right-hand ladies with one of these covetable keepsakes
Victoria Walker Jewellery
Physalis pendant
www.vwjewellery.co.uk
Cavarni
Handmade silk bags
www.cavarni.com
Chambers and Beau
Personalised friendship bracelets
www.chambersandbeau.com
Nation Pottery
Personalised bridesmaid goblet
www.nationpottery.co.uk
Joseph Lamsin Jewellery
Seawater Cast Jewellery Collection
www.josephlamsin.com
Words Laura Jackel
Copyright WED magazine 2011
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