We still talk about the time my sister-in-law invited her dad's ex-boss to her wedding. They never spoke again (her dad and his boss). He (the boss) didn't invite her (my sister-in-law) back to his daughter's wedding! Lost? Us too.
Everyone loves a wedding and there's nothing like the drumbeats of impending nuptials to elicit a few opinions. Just look at the Markles. Whatever happened there, it's unlikely we'll ever know, but one thing is for sure - in amongst all the opinions and speculations, Harry and Meghan had every reason to curate their days based on other people's expectations. But instead they had exactly the wedding day they wanted. And they didn't let a few little things like tradition, a worldwide audience or even a seriously disgruntled sibling get in their way. So if you're finding your grip being loosened on the day of your dreams, step back, take a deep breath and try to regain some control...
Heart Shaped Stone Photography
Weddings have a habit of costing a fair bit of cash and, more often than not, cash can equal control - or lack of it. Are your parents footing the bill? You may find they assume they'll have some say over the guest list. If you don't agree, let them know as soon as possible. Paying for the all-day bar is hugely generous but it doesn't mean they get to say who drinks from it. I remember a wedding where the bride was so confused by the random faces at her own do, she asked security to make sure no one uninvited was wandering in from other parts of the venue. And talking of guest lists, sentiment can cause strong emotion. My dear grandma Betty once nearly fell out with her niece over her wedding because Betty was keen to have Grandpa at the day too. Sadly, Grandpa had died a few years earlier but Betty was adamant he be remembered... via a life-size cut-out. Although this wasn't what the bride and groom wanted, her niece's generosity meant Betty got her wish. But then Auntie Sandra wanted Uncle Bob and before they knew it, the poor couple had a room full of dearly departed who were more of a talking point than the bride in her hand-embroidered puddle train number.
Alex Toze Photography
A PLACE IN YOUR HEART
Your wedding venue is a hugely personal choice, and heightened emotions can muddle decision-making. If the family estate is the perfect backdrop but it comes with conditions, you don't have to send out the invitations just yet. Yes, Granny may have dreamt of you having your first kiss as man and wife under the arbour in the garden since you were a little girl playing in your mum's high heels, but if it's not what you want, then don't commit to it. What's walking distance to the church for one family might mean grumbling about the trains, planes and automobiles from the other side of the family who have to descend on the tiny Scottish island your mum and dad call home. If home is where the heart is, guests will be happy to make the journey, but likewise if New York has far more allure than a windswept Scottish beach, then so be it. New memories, of course, will be formed, and before you know it, the Empire State Building might be the backdrop to your future family's big days!
Pip & Simon Photography
When it comes to the big day's big dress, you may really have to stand up for yourself! All too often, mums have been known to try to emulate their own wedding day, helpfully suggesting things like: "Wear my old dress and customise the sleeves!'" or, worse still, to tell the bride: "I've found a cream fishtail with cap sleeves and a three-metre veil I've fallen in love with!" We've heard countless stories of parents being blunt at fittings too - "It would have looked great when you were slimmer, darling" - and well-meaning men telling it like it is with a "You look like one of those toilet roll holders", as you silently weep behind the curtain of the fitting room where the tiered, tulle whimsical gown you had your heart set on will remain. Try not to let your thoughts or confidence be affected by others' opinions on the dress. If possible, grab one or two close friends who know you well and have a similar taste to you, and ask them for an honest but fair opinion on whether the dress suits you - not whether they like it or not!
Wild Tide Creative
SISTERS DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES
Family of course doesn't just stop with mum and dad. Is your sister always the bridesmaid? I'm afraid it's her turn again and try as she might there just isn't room for her to press her ideas - floral or otherwise - on to your day. Statement headpieces did look amazing at Barcelona Bridal Week but will they work with your rustic barn theme? Despite her protestations, you need to be comfortable as well as wow; your look needs to suit your day. One sister we know tried to change the bride's mind about the groom weeks before the big day! Pregnancy announcements have also thrown wedding plans into chaos with maids stalling at dress fittings 18 months in advance as they are trying for a baby. You might want to gently wish them well on their trying-to-conceive journey and downsize your party. We once heard about a particularly forceful maid of honour who bought a maternity version of her bridesmaid's dress, as well as her standard size - just in case. And billed the poor bride for the pleasure!
Darina Stoda Photography
DESIGNS ON YOU
And finally, let's look at... addictions. They can take over people's lives. And there's nothing more likely to sabotage a big day than a DIY maniac. Yes, Hobbycraft, we love you too but you have some big questions to answer. When our mums got married there weren't so many inspirational Instagram-able ideas out there. Setting the scene for W-day is crucial and well-meaning guests stacking cheese towers or DIY-ing til dawn in the weeks before can be lovely but no one wants to turn up at their own wedding and not recognise it. So make sure any well-meaning creative types are either given a strict brief beforehand, or navigated well away from DIY.
Darina Stoda Photography
words Elizabeth Chester
main image Matt Austin Photography
Copyright Wed magazine 2018
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