After the happy couple has uttered their vows, there will be other much-anticipated words everyone will be waiting to hear: the speeches. They may fill you with dread – if you have a fear of public speaking, for one, and then there’s the potential for cringeworthy stories being shared with everyone from your granny to your workmates. However, when done right, the speeches can really kick off the party like nothing else.
So take a deep breath, heed these top tips and look forward to wedding speeches everyone will remember for the right reasons.
Do
Select your orators carefully. Though your best man might be the perfect stag planner, he might fare more unfavourably when it comes to speaking aloud. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain and if your best man or father of the bride aren’t the best men for the job then assign the role elsewhere. Ask an entrusted uncle/brother/cousin/friend to step in and say the right things in the right way instead. Everyone will thank you.
Don’t
Stand on ceremony if it doesn’t suit. If you want to skip the speeches entirely or just have one person say a few words, it’s your wedding and your choice. Nobody wants to see somebody wobble in front of the crowd in a stuttering mess just for tradition’s sake (it tends to dampen the celebratory vibe), so afford the speeches all the due diligence you think they deserve.
Do
Feel free to mix things up. Bridal speeches are gaining a huge following, while your granny, bridesmaid or flower girl might also want to say a few doting words. As with everything wedding nowadays, there really isn’t a rulebook – so write (and speak) your own. Being format-free allows you to exercise full creative control and remember the speeches as one of the fondest parts of your day as opposed to the moment you’d rather forget. It’s also a prime opportunity for being authentic and expressing gratitude, which will always be the resounding endnote.
Don’t
Be fooled into thinking it has to be hilarious. Yes, really. Your best mate might be an absolute hoot down the pub, but will his brand of humour translate in a wedding setting? You have to consider the audience, which could contain anyone from newborns to nonagenarians – a fact that could easily be forgotten after a smidge too much Dutch courage by said friend intent on sharing that stripper story...
Don’t
Drink too much before the speeches (which should be painfully self-explanatory).
Do
Meet with everyone who will be making a speech both individually and as a group to find out the gist of the content (after first checking they’re completely happy with accepting the task). Not only can they sound out their ideas and find out if they’ve duplicated material, but you can veto anything too below the belt/insulting/divisive/tumbleweed and so on. You won’t ‘ruin’ the surprise of the day’s delivery and, if that’s something you’re worried about, ask them to keep the specifics out before requesting they sit down again separately to go over them together.
Don’t
Find your inspiration on the internet. Half of your audience will have heard it already, so it’ll sound false and impersonal. As teachers past no doubt warned you, plagiarism never works.
Do
Be original. The simple trick is to tailor it to the couple, so as long as you speak from the heart (and occasional funny bone – though try your gags on a test audience first) and relay personal anecdote and history, you really can’t go too far wrong.
Don’t
Get carried away. Though things might be going better than you anticipated, it doesn’t mean that you can ditch the script and go full-on stand-up with material that hasn’t been approved. Yes, it’s important to gauge the floor and ad lib to feed the crowd if the mood is right – but remember to focus and, if you find yourself off-piste, find a way to claw your way back to the couple.
Do
Be authentic. Not impressed with the groom the first time you met him? Say it. Then use that fact as a starting point for how wrong you were and how much you now admire him due to his love and support for his partner/generous and kind nature/thoughtful actions and the like. Be as real and honest as you can.
.jpg)
Don’t
Overdo it. Anything too wisecrack/gushing/tearful/met-with-silent-response should be nipped in the bud. Whether your audience is laughing hysterically or reaching for the Kleenex, a protracted bout of either tends to be exhausting so always register what kind of impact you’re having and know when to stop. On a related matter, keep time on yourself and don’t rush or overrun too much. Keep self-checking for vocal tone, volume and speed – most people tend to talk too fast and too quietly, so rehearsing in a space similar in size to the reception venue will help guide you. Consider planting someone in the audience to give you cues on timings, tempo and when to start winding things up.
Do
Try to add some conventional content, which mostly involves a few specific thank yous. It’s customary for the bride’s father to welcome his new son-in-law into the family, offer up some words of wisdom and toast to the couple’s health and happiness. Meanwhile, the newly-weds should thank their guests for coming and their parents and family members for their input (both in life and wedding preparations) before toasting the bridesmaids and wedding party. As for the best man, he should deliver any notes from absentees along with additional guest information, as well as waxing lyrical about his best friend and their wonderful wife/husband. The rest is up to you.
Don’t
Use an unnecessary amount of props/imagery/video footage or adopt any kind of alternate persona. Or bury yourself in your notes. Breathe, look at your audience while projecting your voice and, most importantly, be yourself.
Do
Enjoy it! Relax, embrace the experience, remember that the audience are on your side and the couple love you (so say something semi-decent and keep it that way!)
Header image Claire Kinchin Photography
words Hannah May
