You've been carefully working towards making several dozen people, and their children, and their boyfriends, and their ex-wives, and your future family, happy...for more hours than you care to remember. Wedding planning is amazing, but sometimes, the whole beautiful thing can get quite wearing. In actual fact (and let's be realistic here) when it comes to the last month of wedding planning, the woes of wedmin can seriously dilute the joy of your soon-to-be-married status. So, just because we like to be helpful, here are our top six ways to navigate those last few hours of official unmarried-ness and inject a healthy dollop of love, joy and peace back into the marital mix.
Claire Penn
Land the plane
One of the most exhausting things about planning a wedding is the tendency to put off decision-making. It's a shortcut to a blown fuse! Having circular repeated conversations, without landing the plane, e.g. failing to make a firm decision, will put a strain on any relationship, especially in the run-up to your wedding day. Not landing the plane means each decision is destined to circle (along with all the other unmade decisions) while we run out of fuel trying to keep them all up in the air.
Decision-making can be tricky, we know. The reason we sometimes don't want to make a decision is the fear that somehow we'll be making the wrong one. And it can completely paralyse even the most logical and organised thinkers. Ultimately we worry and put off decision-making because we care. We care about making the right choice and caring is obviously a really great thing. However, you are not solely responsible for everyone else's happiness. Your job (apart from getting down the aisle in one gorgeous piece, and promising to faithfully love and cherish your other half forever) is simply to be a thoughtful host. The family, friends and guests who you've invited to your wedding day are ultimately responsible for their own experience and enjoyment. So when it comes to making W-day decisions, weigh up all the options and listen to the various opinions. And if you're no closer to working out what to do, simply plump for the option that seems to cause the least froth and create the most joy! It will be such a relief once you've actually made your decision, that the end result will no longer seem so crucial. Phew!
Talk, don't talk
Make it a practice to have designated wedding-free time. Choose a couple of hours a day, or one day a week, to simply not go there. Think of it as a cheap and effective pressure valve to help maintain sanity. It's a chance to give your partner and your family time that has nothing whatsoever to do with The Wedding looming on the horizon. The terms and conditions of this hiatus need to be agreed (and for fun, the penalties for breaking said T&Cs) and if something wedding-y pops into your head (and it will) - whether it's a question, an email you need to send, a bill to pay or a note to write - jot it down for another day. It will still be there when you next reach for your to-do list.
In this wedding-talk-free zone you'll start remembering why you decided to marry each other in the first place. Also, it'll avoid that feeling that there won't be anything left to talk about after the wedding! Discuss the weather, work, or your sister's new boyfriend: it really doesn't matter. If you're struggling, start by remembering your story so far, reminiscing over all the bits you thought you'd forgotten. Or do a little dreaming about year one: your aims, goals and hopes. The past and the future are fantastic places to reconnect.
Travers and Brown
We are family
Even if you have known your in-laws-to-be for a decade or more, making the effort to spend a little extra time with mums and dads, cousins and grandmas is worth its weight in gold. They've watched your relationship grow and you will soon be officially one of them. So it will mean a lot to them (even if they never say so) that you go out of your way to spend time, to listen, to see, hear and understand what makes them tick. Also, you might find out some undisclosed stories about your other half (always a bonus - the more embarrassing, the better). Making time with your family-to-be, before the ring is on your finger, tells them they are important to you. And they are, because their lives will help shape your lives together.
Get out and grow
Although the thought of fitting something else into your week may seem impossible right now, it's actually the perfect time to try something new together. Time to get out of the Tuesday night routine of Netflix and bed and shake up the stuck-in-a-rut weekends. Do you have a talented friend nearby who can teach you a new skill? Can you book a weekend workshop together? Or how about scaling that mountain peak? It doesn't have to cost a lot, just choose an activity and fully immerse yourselves in it. Doing new things together, out of your usual settings, takes you right back to the start, only with the benefit of everything you know about each other so far. It's also a great way to get your heads out of wedmin and absorbed in togetherness (which, after all, is the whole point!).
Megan Welker
Not tonight, darling
The old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder seems to have been properly and emphatically established by science. For couples who spend time apart, there is a marked and palpable sense of increased intimacy and attachment. Apparently, instant gratification is not all it's cracked up to be. The wait can be worth it, and the side effects are ludicrously romantic. So for added romance and connection, all you need to do in the final weeks before the wedding is create a little distance. Not emotionally (that wouldn't do at all), just physically. Distance can help couples to really value their togetherness even more when the big day arrives.
Practically, this might be a rather radical step but how about only seeing each other on pre-arranged dates (like the old days), or simply reduce the quantity of time you spend together. For the 60% of couples who already live together this might prove tricky, but there is underlying wisdom in holding back a little intimacy to enjoy all the more when you are properly and officially wed.
Look at me
Finally, try this practical connection exercise that takes all of two minutes. At first it will seem strange but bear with us. First, get comfortable facing each other. Then take two minutes, uninterrupted and without speaking (at all), and simply hold each other's gaze. It's harder than it sounds. At first, it can be unnerving, weird, embarrassing and intense. But work up to it. Try 15 seconds, then 20. This is how you fell for each other. The eyes have it. All the chemicals in our bodies react to seeing someone else utterly unguarded. Some couples do this every day. Try it, and when you get the hang of it, the wedding will be put in its place as simply the first day of your marriage, of the two of you facing the future together.
Now go forth and remember, all that really matters is love. Sometimes, when the truth gets buried under seating plans and guest lists, every now and then you need a friendly soul to shake your shoulders and encourage you to remember the important stuff. So breathe. You're doing great. You've totally got this.
words Christine Jensen
Copyright Wed magazine 2017
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