The wedding planning, preparation and preening is no longer solely the bride's domain. A new breed of groom is rising - and he's taking control.
The question has been popped, the celebratory champers has been swigged, and the wedding planning is about to begin. Traditionally this is the point where the bride-to-be embarks on a solo flight - poring over bridal magazines and waltzing off to wedding fairs, florists and dress shops - while the groom has little more to worry about than deliberating between Prague and Amsterdam for his stag do.
The time has come to cast aside this rather outdated allocation of the wedding duties, for, as Bob Dylan so lyrically put it, the times they are a-changing. WED meets five new generation grooms.
'The only aspect of the planning I didn't get involved with was the dress.'
Scott and Katie Lewis from Birmingham married at St Petroc's Church, Padstow followed by a marquee reception at Constantine Bay.
Scott proposed to Katie at a family gathering in December 2006. Within moments of Katie's emotional acceptance, wedding fever gripped the pair and the planning process began. 'From the moment myself and Katie were engaged we were both very excited to start planning the wedding,' Scott comments. 'I was involved in every aspect of the planning, except for the dresses, as I wanted that to be a surprise.' Those aspects include the photography, the flowers, cars and suits and, with their parents' assistance, the marquee, catering and entertainment. Even the creative stuff didn't have this keen-as-mustard groom running for the hills. 'I had a lot of input into the table dressing and decorations. Between us, Katie and I made all our invitations, name placement cards and the table planner.'
Kernow Natural Light Photography
And Katie was quite happy to be relinquished of the bridal burden, 'Scott saw the preparations as part of the wedding and was always excited to visit wedding fairs and shops. I had plenty to sort out with dresses, fittings and the like, and, though we made the decisions together, I appreciated the fact that Scott sorted things without us both having to be involved.' Scott adds, 'I felt that my help with the preparations took the pressure off Katie.' And, to round it all off, Scott also fulfilled the traditional groom's duty of booking the honeymoon.
While he didn't indulge in a bridal beauty regime, Scott ensured he was looking his best on the day, 'I tried to eat a lot better leading up to the wedding and worked out regularly from home. As I have quite a physically demanding job that also helped. I didn't want to get too bogged down with it - I wanted to enjoy the lead up to the day and the day itself.'
'My outfit cost more than the bride's!'
Mark and Rachel Picken from Truro tied the knot at Trevarno Estate.
From the moment they got engaged, Mark and Rachel began organising virtually every aspect of their wedding together. 'I can't imagine not wanting to help plan the wedding,' comments Mark. 'For me, not getting involved is tantamount to not being bothered about getting married.' Mark took sole responsibility for organising the suits and the iPod disco, where guests submitted their favourite songs for the evening reception. Other than that, it was a shared process all the way. 'There's so much to do and so much to remember,' says Mark. 'It takes two people'.
When Mark suggested setting up spreadsheets to aid the process, Rachel feared he had taken the wedding planning a step too far. Despite her reservations, she eventually relented and the pair drew up spreadsheets detailing guests' RSVPs, transport arrangements and gift details. 'It definitely made the process simpler and writing the thank you notes was a breeze!' claims Mark.
Mark even got in on the pre-wedding pampering by joining his fiance for an aromatherapy massage at St Michael's Spa the week before the wedding. And come their wedding, his immaculate ensemble - which consisted of a tailored three-piece suit and Oxford Jupiter shoes that he spent many hours hunting on the web for - ended up costing considerably more than the bride's outfit! How's that for groom power?
'I made my baby son's wedding outfit and don't ask how long I've spent browsing freeze-dried rose petal websites'.
Marcus and Rebecca Karenin married at Prussia Cove, which was the setting of their first holiday and has since become their home.
Rhys, Webber Design
Rebecca shared the details of her dream wedding with Marcus the first week they met. She envisioned a hog roast, a ceremony and reception at the same venue, a village fete style atmosphere and an 'on top of the world' cake, which incorporated a hemisphere of the world with a miniature bride and groom standing on top. Five years on, her fantasy nuptials became reality as the couple tied the knot, thanks to careful research, planning and preparation on the part of her fiance.
'I probably did more than we'd both have liked, but our baby son was taking up a lot of my fiance's headspace and time,' says Marcus. 'I have the luxury of working from home, so discussions were on tap and there was no one to question why I was looking at freeze dried rose petal websites.'
So what exactly did this industrious groom get up to? Take a deep breath: 'I designed the invitations, created a database to track accommodation bookings and payments, researched the caterers, arranged the hire of a hog roast machine and catering equipment, arranged the purchase of some local organic pigs and went to meet them, planned the food, calculated quantities and delegated prep tasks, and made cider, chutney and sauces for wedding favours as well as the 8lb 'on top of the world' cake.'
The Internet gave Marcus a helping hand, 'I purchased fireworks, sky lanterns, a bubble machine, freeze-dried petals for confetti, fairy lights, huge catering grade pots for stew and mulled cider, bias binding for bunting and jars for the chutney online. I even used Google Earth's distance measurement tool to work out how much bunting my fiance needed to make and developed an interactive annotated Google Map of the venue, which proved very useful!'
Marcus also made various other maps, plans and artists' impressions to assist planning and visualization, and researched and booked a choir, band, DJ and PA. Last but not least, he made a pair of dungarees for his son from the same material as his suit was tailored.
And did Marcus have the time - or the inclination - for a pre-wedding grooming regime? 'I drank a lot more water than usual and went swimming in the sea to get in shape; I also had a haircut and a sauna a few days before the wedding'.
'I went on the Gillian McKeith diet for a year to get in shape for the wedding day.'
Ben and Sam Irwin from Bodmin married at Boconnoc House.
After a spontaneous Christmas engagement in Lanzarote in 2005, the preparations for Ben and Sam's wedding began. From the start, the process was very much a collaborative one; Ben joined his fiance in poring over magazines and attending wedding fairs. He had a pivotal role in making those all-important decisions concerning the menu, the caterers, the cake and even the flowers.
Furthermore, he welcomed the chance to flex his creative muscle, 'I've spent a lot of time up to my ears in fabric roses and gold edging which we used to make the invitations, the place names and thank you cards, each of which had personalised messages.' The handiwork didn't end there. 'I helped make the chocolate truffle wedding favours and ten bottles of elderflower champagne for the drinks reception - there was none left at the end so it obviously went down well.'
Decorating the elegant venue of Boconnoc House proved another creative endeavour for Ben; he wrapped voile around the columns and tied bows to the seats, creating a truly spectacular wedding setting. He also fulfilled the traditional grooms duties of choosing the suits and arranging a honeymoon in Rhodes. 'I loved the process of planning the wedding,' enthuses Ben. 'I can't imagine not getting involved in the process. It was great bringing those special touches to the day.'
In order to look his beautiful best for the big day, Ben joined Sam by going on the Gillian McKeith diet a year prior to the wedding, and managed to shed a stone. He also enjoyed some pre-wedding pampering the week before the wedding when he took Sam to The Bay Hotel in Newquay for a birthday treat. They both indulged in a pre-wedding chill out session at Fistral Spa, which included a sorely needed back massage.
'I got so into the preparations, I'm going into the wedding business!'
Ceri and Rachael Pashley got married at Hassop Hall in Derbyshire.
Ceri and Rachael had been together for eight years when he proposed during a holiday in the Maldives in November 2007, and the hunt for a venue started almost immediately. Although the couple live in Cornwall, they both grew up in Derbyshire and settled on Hassop Hall as a setting to tie the knot.
They booked one of the few remaining summer dates and were left with only six months to plan the wedding. 'Right from the beginning I wanted to be involved in everything and the limited time we had made this even more important,' comments Ceri. 'I wanted it to be as perfect as possible for Rachael. We had a lot of support and help from our families and I felt it was only right to do my bit. I could not imagine letting someone else do things I had so much passion about.'
'After talking through the ins and outs with our parents, I made spreadsheets for the guest list and checklist of jobs. I then began researching the men's suits, florists and rings and we looked for bands together.' Ceri, a graphic designer, and Rachael, an interior designer, had a strong vision on how everything should look. 'We discussed the colours and ideas for the flowers, stationery and cake. One of my most involved roles was designing the invites, place settings and the like; I put a huge amount of time into the design and printing to get them exactly as we wanted them. We had an unbelievable response from our guests and I'm now hoping to design bespoke wedding stationery for other couples.'
'From start to finish, I did most of the corresponding with the florist, venue, band, photographer and registrar. I organised fittings for the suits, arranged meetings with the florist and drew up our bespoke ring designs. We made virtually all the decisions together; the only things I did not get involved in were Rachael's dress, bridesmaids dresses, hair, makeup and the favours.'
And did Ceri manage to squeeze in a pre-wedding fitness regime? 'I swam three times a week, but this was more for general fitness. I also had a hair cut the week before the wedding and that's about it for the aesthetics!'
Words Rebecca Matthews
Copyright WED Magazine 2010
