What for you was a realisation that you want to wake up alongside your lovely missus every day is a foreign fantasy world that she has inhabited since childhood. And the crux of the situation? She's master in command.
Of course, you don't have a problem with this. You're a modern man who's more than happy to let her have the final say on what to buy your sister for her birthday or which scented candles should go in the bathroom. But when you dare to sneak a peep down the rabbit hole she's been burrowing, you may be shocked by what hits you: a total lack of control.
It's not about vying to have the upper hand or exercising your manhood. But there's something vaguely uncomfortable about your wife-to-be and female relatives collaborating to convince you that your waistcoat should be as pink as the pansies.
Guys, when the flowers start to appear more masculine than you, it's time to wake up, smell some coffee and make a stand.
Granted: speaking up has the potential to create more hassle than it's worth. You're not that bothered about place cards, ribbons and ponies (or whatever) anyway, but the bigger deals you quite rightly want in on. Like how you dress, what you say and what you eat.
Broaching the subject can be tricky, but making it about her won't break the flow she's already established and will give you an instant advantage, otherwise known as psychological leverage. Don't tell her that you don't like any of her decisions - or you won't appreciate the next one she'll inevitably make.
Instead, there are a number of approaches: you want to ease her workload/surprise her/share everything in her life and so on. Tell her it's an exercise in merging lives and remind her how well you know her, promising to consult with her before finalising any executive decision (making sure you follow through). Pick a few aspects of the wedding you know you'd be good at and go for it. Considering how stressed she'll be, she'll probably relish loosening the reins a little.
If that fails, remember this all-important fact: one of the reasons you asked her to be yours in the first place was to make her happy, so think of it as a warm-up to married life and job done. Plus, allowing her this moment (even though technically the planning can go on for several ego-crushing years) is one way of scoring some serious bonus points that can be subtly recalled for years afterwards as tools of emotional bribery, or should I say, marital bonding? It's your call.
Words Hannah May
Copyright WED Magazine 2010
