Today, marriage is more about choice than expectation - something couples are more likely to openly discuss and consciously plan for rather than assumedly 'do' as with some previous generations. So, why take the plunge?
Debs Ivelja
Depending on what study you read, the general consensus is that matrimony is good for us. Providing a wealth of varied benefits for both men and women, it is said to reap greater financial, physical and mental health rewards, giving longer life, better sex and even improved sleep in the process.
In 'Psychology: The Science of Mind and Behaviour', author Richard Gross cites studies by American psychologist Helen Bee that claim, 'married adults are less vulnerable to both disease and emotional distress because they are buffered by support from their attachment to their partner,' and that, 'married young adults are happier, healthier...and have lower rates of various psychiatric disorders than those without a partner.' Furthermore, figures recently published from the government's study into the nation's happiness have revealed that married people are the happiest, claiming a better sense of well-being than that of cohabitees.
Though most benefits are derived from 'permanency' - the collateral resulting from a long term and committed relationship (and therefore not confined to marriage alone), the added aspect of matrimony seems to accentuate this state of security, leaving couples with an extra depth of dedication and understanding unique to the social union of marriage.
In short, marriage is a powerful tonic for the mind, body and soul.
Crystal Pearce, experienced relationship counsellor with Relate, offers her professional opinion as to why couples choose to get married. "People get married because they are very much in love; they wish to commit to each other, bring up children and have a family - with both being involved in the raising of the children. They also want to make a statement to their community that they are committed to each other and, of course, have a day to always remember."
She agrees that couples enter into matrimony aware of the advantages available while mindful that the relationship requires constant consideration. "There's no doubt that married people do put more effort into their relationship and are more likely to work at solving their problems, whereas unmarried people are likely to find it easier to walk away."
She believes the dynamic - and resulting rewards - may alter over time, but so long as the original love and couple's core values remain in the relationship, it will continue to thrive: "Any long term relationship moves from the first flush of being in love to a committed, comfortable and stable lifestyle, which brings much satisfaction and intimacy."
Kirstin Prisk
The stability of marriage also offers a sound foundation for raising children. "It is considered that being in a committed relationship brings many health and financial benefits" that help "children feel secure, who also benefit from both the mother and father being role models," says Crystal.
It is important to constantly assess the pros and cons throughout the course of marriage, as Crystal admits: "Of course, there are difficult times in any relationship, but couples who are committed are also committed to resolving their difficulties and put the effort in required to make that happen."
Though she extols the virtues of marriage and the effort to maintain it, she also cautions that its dissolution can and will happen to some, in which case, certain realisations must be made. "In some instances, especially if there is abuse from one partner to another, there needs to be an acceptance that the relationship will fail." If the balance shifts dramatically to the other end of the scale and everything (including counselling) fails to reinstate that feeling of security and happiness, then couples may sadly have to contemplate closure.
However, as the majority of married couples will testify - marriage has far-reaching and long-lasting benefits beyond compare. Some married women share their insights into the joy of matrimony.
Aaron Polhill
'THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT BEING MARRIED THAT JUST FEELS GREAT'
Recently married Mary Pickles offers her thoughts on the benefits of matrimony. "Getting married has actually changed very little about my life, I haven't even changed my name! However, there is something about being married that just feels great - from the day itself, which was better and more emotional than I ever would have thought, to an extra feeling of 'being together'. I was never somebody who was desperate to get married, but we decided to do it at a time that felt really right and I'm very glad we did, it just seals our relationship in a way nothing else really can."
'MARRIAGE MADE US MORE RELAXED WITH EACH OTHER'
Contrary to sometimes popular belief, marriage isn't simply 'a piece of paper' and many couples sense a change after the 'I do's. Sally Orchard, who has been married for seven years, comments: "I really felt that our relationship changed after, as we seemed to be more relaxed with each other."
'THE COMMITMENT MAKES YOU TRY TO WORK IT OUT'
Sustaining a bond of friendship - and a dedicated approach to commitment - has been key to Terri Crooks' marriage. "I have been married for 42 years, not all easy - in fact some extremely difficult. It is not an easy opt out. The commitment really makes people try to make it work and in most cases, it does."
'MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT TO LOOK AFTER EACH OTHER AND OUR FUTURES TOGETHER'
Newly wed Gemma Garbutt-Stokes is full of meditations on her recent marriage to long-term partner, Liz. "I have to be honest, before Lizi proposed to me I wasn't sure whether marriage was something we would or wouldn't do but when you are eleven years deep into a relationship, it just felt incredibly right! We plan on starting a family soon and we saw marriage as a way of setting a view of unity and commitment to each other and to our new little family. We know we will need help in making our family beyond just Lizi and I, and this was a way of possibly letting our future little ones know we made a commitment to our future in front of all that we love to stay honest and loving, and to look after each other and our futures together." Her thoughtful endnote echoes the sentiment of many married couples. "Marriage is as much security for us as it is a show of unity to our families - present and future - that we love each other, that we want to be together and are willing to commit to this in front of all the people we love now and will love in the future."
'YOU FEEL MORE TOGETHER AND MORE AS ONE'
Louise Russell tied the knot with her partner Matt in 2008. "I never imagined that being married would change the way I feel towards Matt because I believed that we had reached relationship nirvana. However, since we have been married, I've noticed that there are really subtle differences that amalgamate to make you feel more in love, more together, more close and more as one - which rocks as you just don't expect that the depth of your closeness could intensify."
'MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL FOUNDATION FOR FAMILY LIFE'
Newly wed Sarah Christopher is relishing her first year of marriage. "We got married ten years into our relationship but had known for years it was something we very much wanted to do. Adam and I looked at the wedding day itself as a celebration of our love and the decade we'd already spent together as well as a thank you to those dearest to us for all their support - our timing couldn't have been more perfect as we'd reached a stage where we were both financially and emotionally secure.
The best way I can describe our feelings towards marriage is a quote from 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin' - one of the readings at our wedding: 'Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.'
We simply got to the stage where we couldn't bear not to be married - it meant so much to stand up in front of our families and vow to love each other for eternity.
We both acknowledge how blessed we are to have not only married our best friend but to have found each other so young as our shared history further adds to the magic - we've not only grown up together but grown into each other...our marriage has such strong roots.
With our first child on the way, I really feel marriage is a wonderful foundation for family life - our little boy is an extension of our love and we can't wait to help him grow the best foundations for his own journey."
'I LOVE IT WHEN HE SAYS MUNDANE THINGS LIKE "WHAT SHALL WE HAVE FOR TEA, WIFE?"'
Tracey and Mike got married two years ago after nearly 20 years together.
"We had pretty much done everything else: two gorgeous girls, various mortgages, a dog, a rocking engagement party and much more. I love being married. Although I'm not very conventional, it was always awkward knowing what to call him - my partner (is that business or are we talking he or she madam?). I LOVE it when he says mundane things like 'what shall we have for tea, wife?' I also love feeling more bound to him in some strange way and having a specific identity to society (I haven't changed my surname or my title though!) And I adored my wedding!"
For more information on Relate please visit www.relate.org.uk
words Hannah May
Copyright WED Magazine 2012
