Andrew Coulter

For many, this is the only visible sign that you are, in fact, a bridesmaid. You look pretty (or handsome, if you're the man of honour - more on you later) - not prettier than the bride, but you're wearing a statement piece that marks you out as an integral part of the bridal party. It may be a garment that you love at first sight; less often, thankfully, it is a frocky horror that you will fantasise about burning in a ceremony all of your own. This is where you must compromise: it's unlikely that you will have free choice on colour, cut, length, material - especially if there is more than one maid - so choose your battles! You must feel comfortable, but keep in mind that the last thing the bride wants to be doing is mediating between feuding friends.

If you are on a tight budget, let the bride know in advance. A good friend will not want you to fall into debt because of her wedding day. Modern marriage ceremonies are rarely financed entirely by the bride's family; many couples go it alone, so you may well be expected to pay for your own dress, hotel room, travel etc. If this is worrying you, ask. Don't risk falling out over something as trivial as who is paying for the dress? Misunderstandings like these can cause mayhem. Remember, this outfit can come at a price; above all make sure that the price you pay isn't your friendship. 

The bride may be calling the shots, but it's important - strike that, imperative - that a schedule is formulated and essential information is passed on to all parties. Today's modern technology offers multitudes of communication, planning and scheduling packages - many for free! As well as Skype, Tango, Viber and all the other multiplatform arenas that offer face-to-face and messaging facilities, there are other smart tools, such as Outlook Calendar, iCal and ProjectLibre; it should be as easy as falling off a bike to ensure everyone knows where to be, what to bring and exactly when. 

Therefore, take heart chief bridesmaid, you don't have to be a tech-savvy wunderkind, the software does it for you. For example, if you have a smart phone, you can create a calendar just for the bridal party, which can be updated by any member of the group. See YouTube for details. If this doesn't appeal to you, don't just rely on messaging - talk to the relevant people. It's much easier to gauge any impending problems from the tone of voice, rather than the tone of their email responses. 

Amid the increasingly heavy schedule of little jobs and errands that fall under your jurisdiction, you may have to liaise with the groom's party. How differently they work! Be patient, ladies. Of course, this can be fun or futile, but some things require us all to look beyond jovial rivalry, and one such thing is the speech. If the best man is willing to share, it might mean that you can put the bride's mind at rest - hopefully, by getting a sneak preview you can ensure that she'll get no nasty surprises on the wedding day and that her father will not be subjected to needless innuendos about her sex life! Again, choose your battles here and tread carefully, after all, the best man will be nervous - you don't want to knock his confidence. Be honest and kind (but keep the bride in mind).

Kirstin Prisk

There is so much to say here that we will have to be brief - we don't want bridesmaid overload... 

First, talk to the bride. What does she want to do? If she likes a cuppa and a chat, a spot of knitting and an early night, will she be comfortable doing an intense adrenaline-fuelled extreme sports weekend? Similarly, if all her friends love adventure, but she's a little more timid, can you structure the activities so that guests can take part with different levels of commitment? This isn't easy. You can't make everyone happy, so start with the bride and the rest will follow.

It's quite common for a bride to have two or more 'hen nights'. One for people with more civilised expectations perhaps - a little quieter, with fewer penis straws. The other for something a little sillier. Keep in mind that there may be members of her future family that the bride will not want to see licking cream off the inside of an oiled man's thigh (obviously, we're not proposing anything of the sort. Of course not.)

Similarly, keep in mind any attendees that perhaps don't know anyone other than the bride. Arriving alone can be intimidating and they may find it difficult to mingle with an already established group. Consider 'assigning' a bridesmaid to make a special effort to include each of these hens; the bride will be much in demand and won't be able to make sure that everyone is having a good time - that's your job!

Travelling further afield may seem like a great idea for ensuring that friends who are scattered across the country won't have to travel so far. It's great to get away and experience somewhere new. There is a temptation to turn a night into a full weekend of partying, so as long as you follow our tips, keep in mind budget implications (make sure you don't have to foot the bill if some of the girls don't turn up) and that not everybody wants to dress up as a flapper/dancer/cat/mermaid/pasty, you should be all set for a great girly weekend.

A sign of our ever-progressive times: finally men can be maids - or man of honour - too. Sorry to put you last; you are not an afterthought - you are the big finale. You are also a man, so you like a fuss to be made of you. Other than the dress - although, who are we to judge: you can wear what you like - all the content herein applies to you too. Ultimately, you are there to offer support, to alleviate some of the worries that every bride has, whichever form they take. The only advice we can think of especially for you is this: try not to outshine the groom. You old smoothie.

Ethan Elliot

We asked our followers on Facebook and Twitter for their top tips for happy bridesmaiding...

"Your job is to serve, calm, support and appease the bride. Any dresses and accessories are a bonus!" Charlotte Young

"Remember that it's the bride's big day - she calls the shots, and if citrus yellow isn't your colour, you're just going to have to suck it up!" Rowan Clarke

"I've been a bridesmaid eight times and all you have to remember is to be happy and helpful at all times no matter what!" Kimberley Tabeart

"Have a good idea of how to get lipstick or, in fact, any make-up out of the dress that another bridesmaid has dropped on it five minutes before you walk out of the door! Be calm and resourceful!" Kirstie Stewart

"Be ready to give emotional support if the bride should need it in the build-up, and arrive on the big day with dressmaker's pins." Gemma Rawlinson

words Charity Wilson

Copyright WED magazine 2013