The important thing is to retain a sense of perspective. Some brides feel that the quiet hum of everyday life and its routine is a reflection of their relationship, that it's somehow lost the excitement and passion it once had. However, you need to separate the two. A wedding is a heady cocktail of glamorous dresses, delicious food and fantastic entertainment; a marriage is an ongoing expression of your love for one another.

Crystal Pearce, chief executive of Relate Cornwall (relatecornwall.org) agrees: "It's quite natural to struggle with the transition from being a bride-to-be, where you and your wedding have been the centre of attention for months, to being a wife. There's no longer that feeling of anticipation and suddenly everything feels humdrum and back to normal," she comments. "Couples need to consider, though, that a wedding is just the start of their life together and at the heart of a wedding is being joined in marriage - and it's the marriage that is the most important thing."

In the midst of all the planning it's easy to pour all your energy into 'getting' married without taking time to consider the fact you will soon 'be' married. Marriage courses are a great opportunity to stop and consider what this change in your relationship means.

"We run marriage preparation courses as it helps people to think beyond the wedding and to talk about the things that are important, especially the big fall out points such as finances and having children," advises Crystal. "The problem with all of us is that when we come to an adult relationship we bring with us a blueprint of how it should be and that blueprint is normally whatever our parents did. Couples can therefore find themselves miles apart on the 'big issues'. For example, one family might have had a lavish lifestyle while the other was very frugal and believed in saving for a rainy day. A couple needs to decide what to take from both blueprints to make the blueprint for their own relationship." 

Every marriage is different, which is why there's no handbook for a successful one. You're creating something that is unique to the pair of you and which will constantly evolve over time. That's why it's important to share your hopes and fears at the very start so you can work together to shape it into what a happy marriage means to you both.

Remember that 'happy' doesn't mean 'perfect' so make sure your expectations are realistic. If he didn't clean the bath before you got married, a marriage certificate isn't going to change that! Equally, if you argued before you became husband and wife you'll still argue once the ring is on your finger, but now you'll both have a vested reason for coming to an understanding.

One change no bride is ever fully prepared for is having a new identity. It can be an unsettling sensation to relinquish the name that you've grown up with and which has symbolised you being a part of your own family for so long. On a practical level, it also means learning a new signature and contacting a long list of organisations to change your name and marital status on their records.

While having a new name can generate mixed emotions, there's no denying it's an external sign that you're now officially a 'team' for the rest of your lives. This, in turn, means you can now make plans for the future with complete certainty. Perhaps you've always wanted to live abroad for a year, retrain for a new career or have children? While before you said 'I do', dreams may have been confined to 'one day I'd like to...' now you can really examine what you both want out of life and turn those hopes into reality.

You planned your wedding day in minute detail because you wanted it to be the best day of your lives. Now the pair of you can apply the same determination and effort to making your marriage the happiest and strongest it can possibly be. After all, now you have a lifetime of 'special days' to look forward to.

FIVE WAYS TO AVOID THE POST-WEDDING BLUES

1. Make the memories last. Ask guests to share their photos so you can capture the entire story of the day; watch your wedding video and enjoy moments you both may have missed; decide which professional shots you want to have on display and have your guest book and all its good wishes somewhere accessible rather than hidden away in a cupboard.

2. Pour all that time and energy you've been devoting to planning the perfect day into creating the perfect home, incorporating your wedding gifts as daily reminders of your big day.

3. Don't forget romance! "Have weekly dates and spend time together," recommends Crystal. "Simply going out for a walk rather than watching TV means the pair of you are talking and sharing what's important to you."

4. Mark all the firsts of married life from one month of wedded bliss to your first wedding anniversary. Take the time to revisit where you got married at some point in the year.

5. Finally, while you may no longer be a bride, you are now a walking wedding encyclopaedia! Take pleasure in using your knowledge, skills and experience to help friends plan their own dream day.

words Claire Moulds

Copyright Wed magazine 2016