Beware of disregarding the Seven Deadly Sins – as Wed discovers, the historic moral code may just contain the secrets to a happy modern marriage.



It seems the Seven Deadly Sins have all but fallen out of fashion, which is no bad thing if, like us, you would rather not occupy your mind with thoughts of eternal ruin and damnation. For most of us in this liberal society – which revels in celebrity culture and social drinking – the idea of being labelled a ‘sinner’ is almost archaic, but is it possible that by ignoring these medieval moral codes, we are overlooking some ultra-modern, practical advice?

Trawling through the Internet, it is possible to find an array of relationship advice sites. Hundreds of doctors, therapists, columnists and amateurs are only a click away for those in need of a spot of guidance. Other than organisations such as Relate, which do fantastic work helping couples to resolve specific problems, the ‘net is awash with advice so general, that we, at Wed, wondered if any of it still held true to the essence of those original sins: the first pillars of popular advice.

For each of the seven sins, we have compared modern marital advice to find out whether our ancestors knew best…


SLOTH (in other words, laziness)
Making an effort for your partner may seem obvious, but are you sure your efforts are diverse enough?

Don’t settle into a routine too quickly

According to Marius Panzarella, in his report ‘Ten Deadly Relationship Mistakes that Cause Breakups’, losing the spontaneity of a relationship is almost guaranteed to put out the fire!

There’s a big difference between having a favourite haunt and going there every week. We all know couples that have fallen into the ‘routine’ trap, silently sharing the same table in the same meadery, every Friday night at 7pm (not that we don’t love the occasional meadery, but a habit like this can only be bad).

Fortunately, there is a remedy:

•    Spice things up (try a curry instead!) go somewhere else, do something else, say something else, just as long as it’s not with someone else…


GLUTTONY (on the subject of food…)
Traditionally, couples in love are prone to putting on a few pounds (that’s why they call them ‘love handles’), but is this a sign of trouble ahead?

The couple that plays together, stays together

Panzarella believes that a big part of couple’s success depends on ensuring the chemistry doesn’t fizzle out. He advocates making an effort for each other and sharing activities that keep the romance alive. Some of these activities have the benefit of working off a few ‘love pounds’…

•    Give a sensual massage
•    Do all your partner’s chores and spend the free time doing something more fun
•    Take up a physical activity with your other half (like dancing)
•    Failing that, don’t refuse the side order of chips then eat all of his!

GREED (or materialism)
Don’t lose yourself

This is a tough mantra to follow in a society that values getting rich quick schemes and flashing that material wealth as often as possible, but money never bought love. Some therapists believe that couples often bring out the worst in each other, so if you are dating an unscrupulous, money-hungry business-type, the chances are, you’ll go the same way. What’s so bad about that? If you need to ask, maybe you should ignore this bit…

How to hang on to yourself:

•    Keep old friends
•    Maintain interests outside the relationship
•    Socialise separately and together
•    Don’t feel pressure to change – you are perfect just the way you are!




WRATH (or anger)
Possibly the most obviously destructive sin, anger is still one of the ultimate, undesirable traits. Relate offers lots of useful guidance about dealing with anger and its consequences, such as:

Take time to calm down

It seems communication is the key to resolving heated disputes. Here are the basics:

•    Respect your partner’s wishes, even when annoyed
•    Start discussions amicably
•    Try to understand your partner’s reactions
•    Take responsibility for your own emotions
•    Be prepared to compromise
•    Keep an eye on your physical reactions, which might indicate a flaring temper (crying, knotted stomach, breathlessness)

 For more info visit www.relate.org.uk

LUST
In Dante’s Divine Comedy, sinners guilty of excessive lustful desires are damned to an eternal hurricane, representing their own lack of self-control. These days the general consensus is that lust is an appetite which should be kept healthy, as long as it is satisfied with the right person…

Don’t cheat!

That about sums this one up.


ENVY
The green-eyed monster visits us all from time to time, but how we act on it can make the difference between a happy relationship and sleepless nights in a cold bed.

Don’t act jealous

Panzarella advocates challenging jealous thoughts and examining how feelings of insecurity can lead to unhappy consequences:

•    Admit that it may be your problem not your partner’s
•    Communicate without accusing
•    Keep a jealousy journal – figure out what triggers these feelings
•    Do something positive to address your self-esteem


PRIDE
This is traditionally considered the original sin – a desire to be better or more important than others, to take comfort from the failings of others:

Don’t be too full of yourself

Nobody likes a big head. If that’s you, here’s how to address it…

•    Compromise
•    Take turns putting the other person first
•    A little humility goes a long way


So the Seven Deadly Sins were actually not bad as far as early moralising is concerned. In fact, they were surprisingly good, considering they date back, in some form or other, over 1700 years. If you prefer more modern advice, visit www.relate.org.uk or you can read ‘Ten Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups’ at www.datingsupportcenter.com. Alternatively, for a more fire and brimstone approach, Dante’s Divine Comedy is available at all good book shops.

We’d love to hear which you think is the deadliest sin. Post a comment on our blog at www.wedmagazine.co.uk

words Charity Wilson
illustrations Yvonne Hacon
 01872 553511 www.thepicturewitch.co.uk

Copyright WED Magazine 2010