'Good morning blues, blues how do you do?
- Babe, I feel alright but I come to worry you'...
As a newlywed, you don't want to be pressed with emotional issues. Feeling flushed with your fresh marital status and full of romantic energy, you should be revelling in post-wed bliss rather than plagued with the blues.
It comes in many forms and takes many different names, but whether you call it disenchantment, disillusionment, disappointment - or even depression - if the description of yourself echoes those of Ella's lovelorn laments: 'The sea, the sky, my heart and I, we're all an indigo blue', then to put it bluntly - you've got it bad. And that ain't good.
We all suffer from down days - and after the enthralling build up period and exciting hype of the wedding day, it's natural to look back with at least the odd pinch of deflation. Melancholy bites us all at times, but if it persists and morphs into a constant mournfulness, then you might be afflicted with one of the growing conditions affecting new brides - the post-wedding blues.
It is estimated that one in ten newlyweds experiences some form of 'depression' in the immediate wedding aftermath that can last for months after the event, causing a massive strain on the relationship and even prompting the afflicted to attribute it to their decision to get married.
Feeling flat and succumbing to an anticlimactic moment is quite common, but usually disperses in time. But if it doesn't, it's time to seek help. We've compiled some advice and suggestions to help you to stave off or banish the post-wedding blues if they persist in meeting you every morning. Not only will you drag yourself from the doldrums, you'll guarantee some passion and anticipation in your newlywed lives...
Think before you wed
Relate's professional counsellor Crystal Pearce likens the post-wed 'down' to that after Christmas feeling: "After a big build up, in the New Year it's grey with nothing to look forward to...it's that same feeling, but escalated. Everything you've looked forward to for years has happened and you've been in a high state of expectation - now it's all over."
She highlights one of the main problems facing newlyweds: "People factor in a wedding, but they don't think about marriage. They don't look at what life will be like after the wedding."
So rapt in the day itself, many couples are struggling to contend with married life and the immediate upshot of the wedding day. For many, not only are they feeling the blue funk, but the fact is that they are often heavily in debt in the wedding's wake.
Her advice? Ascertain and maintain a realistic budget. "You may not be able to have exactly what you want from the wedding, but what's important? An all-singing-all-dancing do? Or a happy and successful marriage?"
Crystal knows of a couple so financially squeezed from their wedding that they were forced to accept lodgers in order to pay off their credit card bills - not an ideal situation to commence married life.
If you do overspend and find yourselves overstretched financially, then Crystal advises, "Sit down and say - 'we have some fantastic memories.' The wedding was lovely but the marriage is the main thing - nurture it". Work out a way to resolve your financial debt before it becomes emotional.
"Remember the love that made you want to get married is still there", Crystal affirms. Don't misconstrue a tough time as testament to married life; as in the words of my very wise and almost 50-years married grandmother: "This too shall pass".
Date night, anyone?
So how do you infuse some of that pre-wed excitement into the post-nuptial period? Start dating again.
"Do things as a couple regularly," Crystal suggests. "Go on a weekly date. Take turns to plan it and look forward to it - don't allow your marriage to go stale."
Revisit restaurants and bars you frequented in the early days of your relationship or be inventive and experimental and tick off various wish lists together. Anything from trying new activities such as sky diving or kayaking to venturing to art galleries, music events or random cities at whim will spark some impulse and excitement.
Simple gestures such as cooking your spouse's favourite meal or giving them a foot rub are priceless gestures of thoughtfulness and love that ensures investing in your marriage needn't cost you the earth.
Hold off the honeymoon
Not only have you had a whirlwind of a wedding, you're topping it off with a lavish, once-in-a-lifetime trip around the world? No wonder many couples plummet upon return and, as Crystal comments, "The humdrum of getting back to work puts pressure on the relationship."
A brilliant way to guarantee some anticipation is to delay the honeymoon, adding some suspense into newlywed life while you ease into it. That way, you can attend to the expense of the wedding and honeymoon separately and spread out the costs over more time, allowing for greater control of the purse strings and a smaller chunk of immediate debt.
Consider anniversary plans and future events while gradually remembering moments from your wedding day without obsessively reliving it. Make sure that you talk about and do other things too.
Deliberately wait a while before you watch the wedding video, for example. Organise a post-wedding gathering or party for friends and relatives that were unable to make the date to show them your photos and talk about the day - it might even be an excuse to don your dress again.
Arrange a photo shoot
Most professional photographers will offer a pre or post-wedding fashion shoot service and some will include one in their package. Take the option to stage one a month or two after the wedding for a fun session of posing and playing dress-up.
Whether in the studio or a location of your choice such as your favourite beach, woodland walk or romantic river bank - your photographer will be happy to help you relive your bridal look, invent a new style or simply capture you as a newlywed couple for images that personally portray your newly married love.
Enjoy being married. Every couple's experience is different so do what feels right and necessary to make your marriage work. That might mean starting a family, having regular weekends away or simply spending more quality time together. Remember to communicate your woes and joys, share your hopes and fears and live your dreams daily - putting the blues to bed for good.
Visit www.relate.org.uk for contacts and more information on marriage.
Words Hannah May
Copyright WED Magazine 2011
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