To avoid confusion, decide early on the approach you wish to take and be sure to inform the key members of the wedding party. In the weeks leading up to the big day, many guests will turn to your nearest and dearest for gift advice. It's a good idea to discuss gift options with your partner and make a decision before your invites go out.
Be careful what you don't wish for...
Asking people not to bring a gift is often the most stressful option for guests, as most people will want to mark your special day in some way. Not only will most of them ignore your request, they will also go to great lengths to source 'the perfect present', potentially leaving you with a pile of gifts that you didn't want, don't need and won't use.
To avoid angst all-round, why not specify on the invite that, while the greatest gift people can give you is their presence on the day, if they do want to recognise the occasion with a gift, they can find a small list at (insert retailer)? Alternatively, you could keep a more informal gift list in the care of a parent or close friend - someone best placed to offer advice and keep track of purchases if you decide to use more than one retailer.
Money for something
A popular option in the current economic climate is to ask guests for a cash gift. While it might lack the romance of an actual present, there's more to setting up home together than electricals, china or cutlery and the money that you've been given could help towards a deposit for a house or carrying out home improvements. Should you opt to ask for money, however, there will be guests who will struggle with how much to give. Some people would rather stretch themselves financially to do what they feel is right, even if they are left short. Money can be an awkward subject and it might be worth offering an alternative.
Similarly, you might be the one who finds it awkward to ask for cash. In which case, vouchers are an easy way to invite contributions towards a larger item. You could even ask guests to buy vouchers for honeymoon experiences, such as a hot air balloon ride, a sunset cruise or a couple's massage. Again, this will involve asking someone to act as the 'go-to' gift guru.
Big spenders and bottom dollar budgets
The wedding gift is just one small part of the overall expense of attending a wedding. According to a 2014 survey by American Express, guests will spend on average £470 per wedding they attend. Engagement gifts and parties, hen and stag dos, new outfits, travel and accommodation costs... being part of a wedding is a costly business and, for those on a budget, it can be a particularly tall order.
Therefore, if you do decide on a traditional gift list, make sure that it covers all budgets and that the items at the more purse-friendly end of the scale aren't solely practical. Just because someone can only afford to spend a small amount, it doesn't mean that they want to buy you a bathroom bin! Equally, at the other end of the scale, ensure you include a few 'big ticket' items for those who want to buy something substantial and would rather buy one item than spread their budget over several smaller gifts.
Don't lose your head!
It can be tempting, especially when let loose in a store with an empty list to fill, to lose sight of what you actually need. When you're not the ones paying it's all too easy to be seduced by bright, shiny items. Ask yourselves: would you use it? Where would you store it? Kitchen gadgets are often the worst offenders here!
You might also feel compelled to replace items that you already have, even though they work perfectly well or are still relatively new. To avoid making a costly mistake, always do your research beforehand so that you have a shortlist from which to work. If something catches your eye that is not on your list, think long and hard before adding it - don't get carried away in the moment. Easier said than done, we know.
Mod cons or a tad trad?
Lots of couples struggle with how traditional they should be. Previous generations might have included linen, fine china, cut-glass crystal and silver 'Sunday' cutlery on their gift lists. But how many of these special occasion items are ever used? As you start to put your list together, consider how many of your potential gifts might only appear on red-letter days. After all, you wouldn't want carefully chosen keepsakes to end up in the back of a cupboard, forgotten.
If you or your future spouse enjoys gardening, ask for garden furniture, tools, trees and plants. This request is just as valid as asking for a tea service and will bring you joy on a more regular basis. A tree planted to celebrate your marriage might last a lifetime; a delicate piece of china might not make it to your first wedding anniversary!
While you shouldn't feel obliged to go down the traditional route, it's worth bearing in mind that, historically, these gifts would have been specifically chosen to serve a couple throughout their married life. In the days before throwaway consumerism, weddings were the birthplace of heirlooms, which would be passed on to children and grandchildren in turn. While longevity shouldn't be the sole reason for choosing something, do think about selecting a few items that you can imagine still having on display when you celebrate your golden wedding anniversary.
Are you being served?
If you are using a gift list service, confirm in advance how often you will receive updates of what has been purchased and the process for organising delivery of the gifts. This needs to be arranged in advance, taking into consideration your schedule (including honeymoon dates) and the retailer's delivery availability. If you need some of the items ahead of your trip - for example, new suitcases or a camera - ask if these can be delivered as soon as they have been purchased.
Gift receipt
Finally, while nobody expects you to be writing thank you cards on your honeymoon, try to get them sent out as soon as possible after your return. Writing to so many people in a short space of time can feel like a chore - and you'll feel guilty for looking at it that way - but don't despair. If a picture paints a thousand words, a few well-chosen snaps can beautifully sum up your gratitude. Consider sending photos as mementos of the day, with a quick message, rather than a hand-crampingly repetitive sentiment. If the thought of online messaging doesn't leave you cold, why not use your wedding website or a Facebook event to upload photos of you opening the gifts? It might be a little modern for some guests, but for others this option allows more interactivity and the chance to relive a few of the highlights.
BRIGHT IDEAS
Looking for alternative gift inspiration?
Capture the dawn of your new life together with a stunning photograph of the Cornish landscape taken at sunrise on your wedding day by the team at The Day That. Available as a framed, mounted and personalised image, as a canvas or as an acrylic display, prices start from £85
www.thedaythat.co.uk
Tell the story of 'you' with a beautiful, hand-drawn illustration by Letterfest. Based in North Devon, their team of talented artists will capture those places and details which mean so much to you as a couple.
Personalised wedding venue portrait from £40
Double wedding venue portrait from £70
Your wedding story portrait featuring four images from the day (e.g. the church, reception venue, cake and bouquet) from £115
Your relationship story portrait featuring three images of places that are of special significance to you (e.g. the proposal site, where you got married and your first home together) from £95
www.letterfest.com
Mark the occasion with a unique piece of art from Malcolm Sutcliffe's glass studio in Penryn. And, to truly appreciate the craftsmanship behind your chosen design, why not take a glassblowing lesson with Malcolm to discover the technique for yourself? A full day's tuition costs £175 per person, including lunch and refreshments, with a maximum of two students per lesson.
Horizon Bowl (ref: 14d3) 15cms diam x 12.75cms high £168
Meadow Bowl (ref: 14m4) 20cms diam x 18cms high £425
Wavy Sea Vase (ref: 11a6) 12.5cms diam x 18cms high £130
www.malcolm-sutcliffe.co.uk
Invite guests to purchase vouchers that enable you to create your own personal wine cellar. A favourite of the royal family, Cornish vineyard, Camel Valley, offers gifts vouchers for both its winery tours and multi-award winning, internationally renowned wines, so you can ensure that the bubbles continue to flow long after the confetti has settled.
www.camelvalley.com
Shared experiences are a great way to bring you closer together, so why not take the plunge with an activity that gets your adrenaline pumping? Extremewest offers a range of adventures across Devon and Cornwall with gift vouchers starting from just £25.
Private surfing lesson for two £180
Tandem skydive experience for couples £650
4x4 off roading for two £198
www.extremewest.co.uk
words Claire Moulds
Copyright Wed magazine 2015
