Bridal bliss or amiss? However laid-back or in control you may think you are, it's guaranteed that there will be times as a nearly and newly-wed when you'll feel a little off, to say the least.
Weddings are charged with emotion. What's more, the pressure is omnipresent; whether you're planning a quick runaway affair or lavish, grand-scale event, you will feel various states of highs and lows along the marital road.
Travers and Brown
Obvious? You would think so. But many brides ensconced in the planning process simply fail to see beyond the bunting or bouquets as they spiral into a psychological downturn that - when it catches up with them - can wreak havoc.
It's a well-known fact that weddings can have a huge impact on the personality and conduct of a woman, as many of you I'm sure can testify. I've personally witnessed usually rational women exhibit frenzied, paranoid and obsessive tendencies that can only be classified as classic Bridezilla behaviour, or:
"The temporary (but potentially long-term) insanity that befalls brides-to-be, such as Elana of New York, who ordered $27,435.14 worth of flowers for her wedding, paid for it upfront using a cashier's check, and then turned around and sued her florist for $400,000 because the colours were a little off," (The Urban Dictionary).
True story.
From the unequivocal excitement of newly engaged to the pitfalls of planning, and the dreaminess of the 'I dos' to the post-wedding blues - a world of extreme emotionality awaits. We've asked some recent brides about their experiences to help you to (sanely) navigate your way...
Harrera Images
Stage 1: Engaged and Elated
Congratulations are in order. He's popped the question and you've accepted, happy in the knowledge that you are betrothed to your love. The waiting may finally be over and you're relieved to be able to dust off the wedding scrapbook; or a rogue proposal has hit you out-of-the-blue and straight to the heart. Either way, you're feeling rather chuffed.
A time of announcements, celebratory drinks and perhaps even tentative discussions regarding dates, venues and themes with your nearest and dearest will feature as you anticipate how your wedding will unfold.
Some couples consciously decide to extend the engagement for a number of different reasons. Not only does it prolong the planning period, it can ensure, if it's the result of a whirlwind romance or they're emerging from a rocky patch, that they have made the right decision to actually get married.
"I really enjoyed being engaged," says Jess. "Lots of people asked why I was engaged for so long (21 months) but we wanted to get married in a particular month. Waiting allowed us to really enjoy the engagement, plan the wedding around work commitments, have the day we wanted and not get into any debt - this was priceless and we started off marriage on the right foot."
Becki agrees: "Give yourself enough time to save so that you can carry on enjoying life and not be restricted by a short and strict saving period. This way you'll be able to have a wedding day full of things that you really need, but with things you really want too."
It's important to relish this time and not to make any knee-jerk decisions or promises to anyone before you've agreed how this is going to play out. If you don't, the next few stages could transpire to be uncomfortably compromising...
Lisa Jane Photography
Stage 2: Planning - Part One
The world of weddings is still relatively new and exciting, and you'll be full of ideas and visions for your day. But it's important to set yourself some targets and limitations as early as possible to avoid huge overspends on money, time and effort.
Remember: this isn't just a huge emotional investment - it's a financial one too, and the two can have serious interlinking effects. Money is cited as one of the biggest causes of arguments amongst couples and families, so some steely resolve and clear communication are crucial components here.
Next, focus on the date and venue. "If you have your heart set on a venue then ensure that this is booked first along with your church/registrar," advises Becki. "Wedding venues can get booked up two or three years in advance especially with spring/summer weddings."
You'll want to consider numbers in order to calculate the venue cost and size. And the guest list is one of the most debated, argued and rift-inducing aspects of them all.
"I wish I'd had the bottle to stick to my guns over the guest list," admits Sarah. "We wanted a small wedding with our nearest and dearest but my mother-in-law insisted her entire set of siblings and partners came even though she rarely sees them. This was a quarter of our entire guest list - but I was aware that her and my father-in-law had given us some money towards the wedding so we felt duty bound."
"Fast forward to the day itself and we'd had to exclude works friends and family friends in favour of all these aunts and uncles...and only two sets of the six showed up even having RSVP'd to attend! It made our day nice and small but I still feel awkward that some of our pals were left out in favour of near strangers."
The stress of satisfying others can lead you to dread every decision you make, and even the day itself. Many brides report panic attacks, depression and anger issues throughout the planning phase, so it's vital to remain calm and visibly in the driving seat. Make your decision, inform others with plenty of notice, tactfully explain (if necessary) your reasoning and then move on. Anything else is simply other people's problems and not worth stressing over.
Ben Selway
Stage 3: Planning - Part Two
With the big things booked, you're honing in on the details as the day looms large. At this stage, checklists and regular review sessions with your husband-to-be, bridesmaids and suppliers will keep things (and you) fresh, organised and cohesive in your mind.
"In my experience, as soon as the high of getting engaged has worn off, couples can easily settle back into their normal routine - then bam!" warns Gemma. "All of a sudden, there's four weeks to go and everyone is rushing around like crazy! My advice would be, it's never too early to start planning! Time really does fly, and the more you can get done at an early stage, the less you have to think about when you're in those crucial last few weeks of wedding preparation. You want to be able to concentrate on yourself in that time, not worry about what colour the groomsmen's buttonholes are going to be!"
Don't leave too much until last minute in order to realistically tick all boxes. You need to wind down before the day so that you look and feel yourself, as opposed to a warped w-day-fevered version. And it's easily achieved.
"Start writing a plan as soon as you can; break down the months until the big day and write down the key milestones you will need to achieve within them. This will help relieve a lot of pressure in the build-up to the day," recommends Gemma.
Charlotte agrees: "Make a checklist four months before the big day and go over it weekly. It's so easy to forget things as it gets closer because more and more crops up and your emotions build too," she says. "That checklist stopped anything getting too stressful because I could do one thing at a time and know nothing would be forgotten."
Don't forget to factor in some all-important me-time. "Take yourself off to a spa within the two weeks before the wedding to unwind before a very hectic few days," says Becki. "Book a full body scrub and facial so that you're skin is luminous and radiant in preparation."
Alan Law
Stage 5: Post-Wedding
You're married and the day is over. The joy is audible as you hear yourself referring to your love as 'my husband' or 'my wife' and settle into life as a newly-wed.
However, a rising phenomenon within recently married couples - and most notably, women - is what many dub the post-wedding blues.
After months of excitement, anticipation and time spent with loved ones, the return to the daily grind may prove anticlimactical in comparison. Expectations on what married life should deliver may fall short, or being tight on money after some last-minute blowouts may stir tensions within your relationship. Whatever the downside may be, there's a way to prevent it from harming you - either as an individual or collective.
"I think it's important to not put it all into the wedding; think about little romantic things you can do afterwards so you don't feel too blue about it being over (and being broke!)" says Jess. "We got married on 18th January and on the 18th of every month now we have a date night which is something to look forward to. A friend of mine booked a romantic getaway every month for the first 12 months of marriage."
Whether you stage a series of post-wedding parties to unveil photos, films and share memories from the day or focus on reapplying the consideration you gave to your wedding towards your marriage; remember - this was what you did it all for.
Leonardo da Vinci once said: "A well spent day brings happy sleep," which is a wonderfully simple and sage way to approach every marital moment and ensure a dream-filled life together.
Taylor and Porter
words Hannah May
Copyright Wed magazine 2014
