EMBARRASSING UNCLE
If you don't want to invite your other half's embarrassing uncle, in short, you don't have to! Keeping guest numbers down allows you to invite only a select handful of relatives, so opt for an evening soiree or an intimate garden party and explain to extended family your venue can only accommodate certain numbers. Long distance can also help you slash guest numbers, so bear in mind long-haul trips might limit your numbers too. You can always throw a larger party after an intimate wedding and hopefully any embarrassing family members will be diluted and there will be less chance of any howl-ups during the more intimate moments of the day like the ceremony or those all-important speeches. Put simply, "If you feel someone will ruin the day, don't invite them," says wedding planner Claudia Montano (claudiamontano.co.uk)
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES AND NEW ROMANTICS
Seating plan problems are endemic when it comes to wedding planning. Single friends all tend to be put on the same table, which works well, until you get a married-but-alone-on-the-day and add them to the singletons. No one wants to be hit on by a young 20-something thinking they are footloose and fancy-free. Similarly, inviting your sister's latest partner can be a potential war zone. If you haven't met him, it's understandable you might be unsure of inviting him to your day, and it's always better to explain this in person. "But try to be gracious and offer a plus one," says Claudia. "Perhaps invest some time ahead of the day in getting to know them, first." If it's a go-er of a relationship, you never know, you might be at their wedding one day soon!
FUSSY EATERS
You send out the menu cards early so what's the problem? Meat or vegetarian options are listed but still you get an asterisk on the back of your RSVP cards with explanations of a macrobiotic diet and, our favourite, not eating meat "off the bone". Yes, it's nice to be flexible and try to cater for everyone so "ask your guests well ahead of time," says Claudia. And organise a dish just for them if budget and time allows. But, ultimately, if you can't offer a fully flexible menu, you need to make it clear there are just two options available, and if your guests don't like it, well, there's always the cheese tower.
FAMILY FALL-OUTS
Uncle Bob and Aunt Sue not speaking? Putting them on the same table really isn't going to help frosty relations, but neither is separating them (no one wants steely glares over the cutting of the cake). Try to resolve any family tensions before the big day - perhaps meet up for a pre-wedding get-together in the weeks leading up to W-day and see if the imminent celebration can bring people closer together. But if things are still sour, "let your wedding planner or event coordinator know. These people can quickly help diffuse the situation and separate the unhappy guests," advises Claudia.
WEATHER PEOPLE CAN ATTEND
The week before W-day is glorious wall-to-wall sunshine; the 24 hours before? Floods, snow blizzards and the like. If people start dropping out of your do due to transport problems with hours to go, stay calm. Where there's a will there's inevitably a way, and let your wedding planner know of any travel disruptions asap. But if numbers do dwindle due to unforeseen circumstances from the weather gods, and there's simply nothing you can do about it, look on the bright side - there's more champagne to go round!
KNOWING WHEN TO STOP
Budgets and guest lists can spiral out of control at the drop of a fascinator, so knowing when to stop is a key element to avoiding family dramas. "Make sure you're realistic with your estimations," says Claudia. "Talk to suppliers ahead of time and ask for plenty of quotes - this way you will know where to cut costs and how to budget the rest of the wedding." One potential pitfall we see time and again is parents assuming, because they are footing the bill, they can invite whomever they want. Yes, you have fond memories of the family you met in Portugal when you were five and, agreed, your dad's boss is sure to come up trumps with a generous wedding gift, but do you really want them there at one of the most intimate and important days of your life? The answer is compromise: if mum and dad are footing 50% of the bill of a 200-person wedding, they should be entitled to add a few of their own VIPs to the list; if they've donated a smaller amount and you're only hosting 30 of your nearest and dearest it's much less of a priority. "Make sure you're aware how many guests can fit into your ceremony and reception locations," says Claudia. "Then work to that. Start by inviting guests who are most important to you, for example, family and close friends, then begin to include other people." But be upfront about this early doors, especially if your parents are paying a substantial whack of the overall cost. Some folks may assume cash = control. But if that's not the case, it's best to hit the nail on the head now while you still have some say left over your day.
words Elizabeth Chester
Copyright wed magazine 2016
