Your wedding ceremony will be a defining moment in your life. Get clued up on the options available with Wed's guide to tying the knot...


The question has been popped. The whirlwind of engagement celebrations has subsided, and now the road to the altar is mapped out. But before you get sidetracked by questions of flowers and fascinators, there’s one hugely significant aspect of your day to consider: the ceremony.



There is a variety of options to choose from, depending on your belief system, sexual orientation and history. It can seem confusing at first, as each ceremony comes with different requirements and legal obligations. Understanding exactly what you want and how to achieve it is vital. Let us help you get started.

RELIGIOUS MARRIAGE CEREMONY
What is it? A religious and legally binding ceremony of marriage.

Where does it happen? A church or other religious building that is registered for the solemnisation of marriage.

What do I need to do? Contact an official in your chosen tradition to discuss the specifics and requirements. If you are planning a church wedding, contact your local parish priest.

There are certain pre-requisites for a Church of England wedding. One member of the couple must have been baptised as a Christian and the law requires that you can demonstrate some connection with the church, for example being resident in the parish, a history of your family worshipping there or the church playing an important part in your life previously. Alternatively, you may be able to apply for a ‘special’ licence. Some clergy will be more particular than others about how you describe your reasons for wanting to be married in church but you will need to have given this some thought.

If you are Catholic and would like to marry in a church outside your parish, you will need to seek the written permission of the priest in your resident parish and the priest in the parish in which you wish to marry.

If either of you has been divorced, you will need to bear in mind that many churches have their own particular procedures (such as consulting with the bishop or seeking an annulment), which will have to be settled before you are free to marry.

Banns of marriage replace the legal requirement to post an intention to marry at the register office. They are announced on three Sundays prior to your wedding in the church where you are to be married and in any church in whose parish either the bride or groom are resident. A ‘notice of marriage’ or ‘common’ licence may be issued if a vicar is unable to call your banns.

For other religious marriages, you will need to adhere to the same legal requirements as those for a civil marriage.

What will the ceremony be like? To be married in church is to decide that you wish to recognise a spiritual dimension to your relationship. The decisions that need to be made usually concern music, hymns and readings – as a legal ceremony, much of the wording is set down by law and must be adhered to; for instance, you cannot write your own vows. As a church wedding is also an act of worship, at least one of the readings should come from the Bible. There are many websites which will give your ideas for other suitable readings.

More information:
Association of Interchurch Families 020 7654 7251 www.interchurchfamilies.org.uk
Catholic Enquiry Line 020 7901 4863 www.catholic-ew.org.uk
Church of England www.cofe.anglican.org
Parish directory www.achurchnearyou.com
Registration Information Service 0300 1234 181 www.cornwall.gov.uk
Truro Diocesan Registry 01872 260744



CIVIL MARRIAGE CEREMONY
What is it? A legal, non-religious marriage ceremony conducted by the local superintendent registrar.

Where does it happen?
In a registration office or an approved venue licensed by the local authority, either within or outside your district of residence. Current legislation dictates that a civil ceremony cannot take place in the open air.

What do I need to do? You must give notice of marriage at your local register office, which involves the completion of official forms. These must be personally given to the superintendent registrar or deputy of the district where the couple usually reside. You must both have been living in the registration district for seven consecutive days prior to giving notice. You must provide evidence of your age, identity, nationality and marital status.

Once given, at least 15 days must pass before the marriage can take place. If you are marrying outside your district of residence, you must book the superintendent of that district before entering your notice of marriage to ensure the availability of registrars. Ensure that the licence for your approved building will still be valid on the date of your wedding (they are only valid for three years). You should book the officiating superintendent registrar before you book with your approved venue.

What will the ceremony be like?  A civil ceremony must not contain any religious content, but it may include poems, readings and music without a religious theme. There are many websites dedicated to providing content ideas or you can ask your superintendant registrar for advice. In addition to the statutory and legally binding words, you may exchange your own vows.

More information:
Registration Information Service 0300 1234 181 www.cornwall.gov.uk

CIVIL PARTNERSHIP
What is it? A non-religious legal partnership for same sex couples. It can be accompanied by a ceremony, but it is not required under the Civil Partnership Act. Civil partners will receive equal treatment to married coupes in many legal matters.

Where does it happen? The signing of the civil partnership document may take place at a registration office or an approved venue.

What do I need to do? Give notice of your intention to register your partnership. This must be done separately by both partners at the register office in the local authority area where you reside, in which you must have lived for seven days prior to this. If you live in different areas, you must give notice in each area. This notice can be given up to a year in advance of the date of the civil partnership registration, but there must be at least 15 clear days. A schedule is automatically issued after this time, which is valid for 12 months from the date the notice is given. The partnership is then registered by signing the civil partnership document in the presence of a registrar and two witnesses.

What will the ceremony be like? You may exchange established or self-penned vows, although there is no legal requirement. You may also have non-religious readings and music. Discuss your ideas with your registrar.

More information:
Registration Information Service 0300 1234 181 www.cornwall.gov.uk



HUMANIST WEDDING AND PARTNERSHIP CELEBRATION
What is it? A ceremony to celebrate the commitment between two people. At present, humanist ceremonies are legally recognised in Scotland but not the rest of the UK. It will often take place after a civil ceremony or partnership.

Where does it happen? Anywhere. It can occur outside, in public places or even in your own home. Many hotels and venues will also host the ceremony.

What do I need to do? No licence is required but there is a fee. Contact a British Humanist Association accredited celebrant in your area. For details see the Humanist Ceremonies South West website below.

What will the ceremony be like? The ceremony can take whatever form the couple chooses. A script is drafted based on a consultation between the celebrant and the couple. Arrangements are finalised – including poetry, readings, music – which can follow the traditional elements of a wedding, such as the vows and exchange of rings, or can be as informal as desired. The ceremony usually has many personal aspects to reflect the aspirations of the couple and contributions from family and friends are encouraged.

More information:
British Humanist Association 020 7079 3582 www.humanism.org.uk
Ken Prickett Humanist Ceremonies South West 01579 349395
www.humanistceremonies-southwest.co.uk

PAGAN HANDFASTING
What is it? A marriage ritual based on Celtic traditions (neo-Pagan, Norse, Druidry and Wicca). It usually takes place after a civil ceremony or partnership. It is legally recognised in Scotland but not the rest of the UK.

Where does it happen? Usually outdoors in a natural setting that has been made sacred and blessed by words and decorated by flowers, candles and incense and other objects.

What do I need to do? Research and contact the relevant groups and officials in your area.

What will the ceremony be like? Presided over by a priest and priestess (celebrants), the couple are invited into the sacred circle to exchange their vows. Whispering promises, their wrists are gently bound together with red cord (the tying of the knot). Rings and further words are exchanged before the jumping of the broom. The couple may choose to incorporate music, readings, chanting and dancing. A range of ceremony types is possible, such as ‘A Year and a Day’, ‘As Long As Love Lasts’ and ‘For All Lifetimes To Come’. Same-Sex ceremonies, renewal of vows and blessings are also undertaken.

More information:
Cornish Ceremonies http://cornishceremonies.com/handfasting
The Pagan Federation Devon, Cornwall and Channel Islands www.paganfederationdevonandcornwall.co.uk
Village Wisewomanwww.villagewisewoman.co.uk

WEDDING BLESSING
What is it? A short ceremony, often taking place after the official civil ceremony. It is not legally binding. It can be spiritual, religious or non-religious, in a different tradition to that of the marriage ceremony.

Where does it happen? Anywhere, from outside to a church/religious building or venue.

What do I need to do? Talk to a recognised official of the church or tradition you favour, or a registrar if you’d like it to feature as part of your register office wedding.

What will the ceremony be like? Decide what specifically you would like to happen and have included. The bride is not escorted down the aisle but enters with the groom, together as husband and wife. It usually involves a reading, song or hymn and prayer, and has potential for personalising with music and your own words.

More information:
Registration Information Service 0300 1234 181 www.cornwall.gov.uk



RENEWAL OF VOWS
What is it? A ceremony between a married couple to renew their vows and commitment to each other. It is not legally binding.

Where does it happen? At your local register office, an approved venue or church/religious building.

What do I need to do? Discuss the event with a registration officer or vicar, who will conduct the ceremony (but will not be acting in an official capacity). You will need to ask two people to witness the signing of the certificate.

What will the ceremony be like? A ceremony will typically feature an introduction and welcome, acknowledgment of any children of the marriage, reading, renewal of vows, rededication of rings, giving of new rings or gifts, words from a previous wedding guest, (for example, best man, bridesmaid or bride's father), further reading, signing of certificate, witnesses and closing words.

More information:
Registration Information Service 0300 1234 181 www.cornwall.gov.uk

Words Hannah May

Copyright WED Magazine 2011