Wedding Advice


Feeling the pre-wedding strain? Sidestep bust-ups and fend off fights with these stress-busting strategies from the newly-weds

It's often during the most precious times in our lives when things fall apart. The importance of a person, event or thing can exaggerate our sense of emotionality and stir up subconscious feelings that can transform a happy occasion into one fraught with frustration and hapless negativity.

Ergo: weddings.


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Most of us have been privy to the phenomenon. From familial bust-ups to couple conundrums, weddings have a knack of putting every relationship you have under the microscope. Indeed, many couples report regular and often heated arguments as stress levels surge and tensions flare.

But fret not. By being aware of what lies ahead, you can navigate your way through the storm and emerge into the sunshine savvier and closer than you ever imagined for your wedding day.

We've asked some newly-weds for their top tips to help you pre-empt problems that may emerge during the pre-wedding period.

"Try not to get too stressed during the planning. It's one day out of the whole marriage and the rest of your life together". Rachel

Endeavour to maintain a sense of perspective and remember that you're planning just one or two days. Though it's important you embark upon married life on the right footing and stage a wedding that you're happy with, it's vital that you acknowledge that what comes afterwards (the marriage) is why you're tying the knot in the first place.

Don't lose sight of the end goal: the wedding is a party that kick-starts a new phase and status change of your relationship, which is what remains after the vows are uttered, speeches delivered and buffet devoured.

"Plan as much as you can in advance so that you can really let your hair down during the lead-up to the wedding"
. Claire

Unless you're staging a shotgun wedding or desiring a short engagement, pre-planning is a sure-fire way of alleviating many of the associated stresses.

By carefully considering each element, making confident decisions (and sticking to them while permitting enough flexibility for the unforeseen) and allowing yourselves to celebrate your choices before the event unfolds, you'll remember both the build-up and day more fondly while decreasing the likelihood of arguments or retrospective regret.

Not only will early organistion allow you to spend more quality time together both as nearly-weds and with other loved ones, it will stave off last minute stress, ensuring you relish the run-up to the day and avoid resentments and panics that may otherwise present themselves.

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"Choose your battles because they're not all worth fighting. Be sure of what you want and stick to it". Su-yin

Be aware of what you want and don't succumb to external pressures. Discuss the day as a couple, make initial notes and keep returning to them - even as they evolve - to ensure you're honouring your own ideas and aims.

You can't control everything and the 'perfect' wedding is a fallacy; therefore prioritise your must-haves and do your best with everything else.

It's easy to be swayed by others. A wise course of action is to listen to what they say, discuss it as a couple, try to objectively decide whether they have a valid point, and make your joint decision accordingly.

If you're getting carried away with overspending or making questionable style calls and a trusted friend shares their opinion, it might well be time to step back, have a few days off and revisit said item in light of this.

But if people are simply butting in and agenda pushing, remain resolute and calmly explain your choices to them while trying to include them in an appropriate way. Remember, people want to help; they just often approach it the wrong way, so steer carefully and sensitively around all do-gooders (and interferers).

"Don't be afraid to delegate to friends and family. My family were so involved in helping out and making things that it meant they felt even more a part of the day. Plus it took some of the pressure off us!" Charlotte

Delegation not only allows you to share the load: it's a great way of utilising peoples' skills to maximum effect, enhancing the character of the day while diverting them from areas you'd rather they avoid.

For example, though your mother may insist she's a fabulous cook and can do the buffet herself (even though you know better), ask her instead to visit caterers with you and compile a shortlist for you to pick from, explaining that you'd rather she was on hand for any last-minute mishaps and to fully enjoy the day as mother-of-the-bride.

Asking other people for help involves them, shows your appreciation and can often be the savvy - not to mention money-saving - solution to anything from your transport, stationery, cakes or decor.

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"Brides - don't take over from your groom. My husband was much better at crafts than me, and I think brides should trust their future husbands more!" Emma

Ah, the dreaded emasculation issue. Remember, men's egos and sense of pride can be fragile entities, so treat them with due diligence. Plus, this reiterates the point that you can't - and shouldn't - do it all.

Control freaks are rarely attractive and can often become so embroiled in their own creation that they fail to see when they've taken a wrong turn. Work together, invite his ideas and efforts and communicate clearly with him throughout the process. This is a brilliant rehearsal in how to behave during marriage and will ensure both your personalities are featured in the day.

Trust is key. Tap into his talent and allow his self-expression to manifest itself for double the creative and practical input.

"Know your budget and stick to it. Look for cheaper alternatives and, if you can't afford it, try and make it - there is normally a 'how to' blog out there somewhere!"
Anoushka

Money is one of the biggest challenges and sources of strife. The best advice is to work to your budget and save a bit extra for an emergency fund. That way, it's there if you need it and will be a brilliant financial boost to married life if it isn't.

Avoid getting bogged down in debt, as you'll find yourselves paying for it both financially and emotionally during your marriage. No one wants to take lodgers or penny pinch when you should be enjoying the initial throes of newly married passion, so keep a close eye on your budget.

"Patience is key! Be kind to each other"
. Kirsty

The mantra of many a successful and long-lived marriage!

words Hannah May

Copyright Wed magazine 2015