Do you keep your maiden name; take your Mr's family name; mix and match; or would he consider changing his name? Wed explores the options surrounding the great moniker muddle

Some people can't wait to change; others passionately hang on to what they are born with; some teeter around on the sidelines not wanting to offend and many use both, citing work reasons (understandable when you're Kate Moss but most name changes aren't going to damage your career too much). Our names are a huge part of our identities and from independent and family-centric to sentimental, then cynical or stubborn, there are many reasons why people do and don't want to change their surname once they are officially man and wife. Here, we weigh up the options for happy-ever-after when it comes to the name game.

Birth right
Losing your last name can feel overwhelming, particularly if personal circumstances make it difficult to do so. Recent bride Siobhan recently lost both her parents so wanted to keep her family name alive for herself and her daughters. Fran, on the other hand, hated her husband's surname (it rhymed with her first name; The Wedding Singer, anyone? Exactly). But is that reason enough to decline a tradition that goes back hundreds of years? Yes. If you want to hang on to your maiden name, no matter what the reason, you're quite entitled to. Put simply, deedpolloffice.com says, "If you do nothing, then after marriage, your name will stay the same."

Maiden heaven
Love your maiden name but want the romance of changing to Mrs husband's-name too? If you can't decide, you can always use your maiden name as a middle name, convenient if you haven't already got one. It also has the added bonus of helping you out of any security spots if you need to prove you've recently changed your name. "Having your maiden name as your middle name makes it easy to verify that you 'added a name' and you're the same person," explains marriagenamechange.com.

Join the club
Hyphenating your and your new husband's surnames can appease both parties: it keeps your own heritage alive and gives you a fancy-sounding new title, too. But it's not for everyone: Smythe-Jones works; Spencer-Churchill rolls off the tongue nicely; MacDonald-Berger isn't quite so easy to pull off. If your names sound weird, or create a comedy collaboration, steer well clear. Any children you have won't thank you for it, either.

Perfect Blend
Writer and television presenter Dawn Porter, who married Chris O'Dowd in 2012, was quite explicit when it came to the reasons she didn't want to change her name, "even at 15 I felt strangled by the thought of it," she says. So she kicked off a whole new trend with a cheeky blend, taking the O from O'Dowd and attaching it to Porter. "I am lucky that I have the option to keep Porter prominent and take a tiny letter that, for me, expresses the unity with my husband that I am proud of... A declaration that I have joined forces with the man I love," she says. If you don't have the option of an O prefix, you can simply mesh your surnames. But again, be careful; Brown + Price = Brice; Franks + Carter = ... well, you get the idea. But is it easy to do? "If a couple do decide to mesh their surnames a Deed Poll document will be required. This can then be used to get all records updated, including the name on passports, into the new name," says ukdp.co.uk

Let's hear it for the boys
Zoë Saldana's husband, Marco, went one further and took her name, even after she tried to persuade him not to for fear he may be emasculated. His response? According to InStyle magazine, Marco exclaimed, "Zoe, I don't give a ...." Before continuing, ""Why not? What are you so afraid of?" The couple later went on to say, "Why is it so surprising, shocking, eventful that a man would take his wife's surname? Men, you will not cease to exist by taking your partner's surname. On the contrary you will be remembered as a man who stood by change." For this to work, guys can either use their wife's surname unofficially, keeping their original surname on official documents, or formally change their name via Deed Poll.

Stuck in the middle with you
So where does that leave those of us still unsure, floating somewhere above the name-change fence? Pinballing between two identities sounds complicated and unnecessary but can actually be quite fun. OK, officially, you're Mrs Smith, so you can revel in the romance of Mr & Mrs on honeymoon, romantic weekend breaks and those romantic gas bills... But sometimes it's nice to remember your nicknames, too. "I changed the name on all my official details, but I couldn't change my Hotmail account which I'd had for 15 years and just couldn't give up," says recent bride Lily Chapman. And why shouldn't we want to keep alive those years of being called Chapstick at school; to remember our bubble-font initials; and throwing orange peel in the air and deciding that, whichever way it landed was certain to dictate the first letter of your future surname (scientific, natch). But now that day has come and those orange peel letters are long gone, ultimately, whichever name you choose, it's a wholly personal choice. And with one name, two, or a creative hybrid of both, as long as you're happy, any name goes.

words Elizabeth Chester
illustrations Maria Taylor Illustration www.mariataylorillustration.com

Copyright Wed magazine 2016