On a mission to extend the matrimonial madness of those first few weeks as husband and wife? If you long for the heady hungers of newly wedded bliss, let our wonderful Wed readers give you their top tips on how to bring a little honeymoon happiness into everyday married life…

The honeymoon period: those first few days, weeks or months as husband and wife, often cherished as the happiest time by couples of all ages. But why does it have to end? Simply put: reality sets in. After the brief delirium of knowing the wedding preparations are over, the service complete and all the delights of absolute coupled privacy are to be enjoyed, the proverbial ‘bump’ of returning to a routine lifestyle can put a dampener on wedded passions.

However, this sorry state can be avoided. We at Wed hate to think of our cherished readers suffering the post-honeymoon blues, mourning the loss of those delirious hours spent bandying about sweet nothings, just enjoying being together – as they begin the laborious task of writing thank you cards, simultaneously wondering why their respective spouses did not wake them with the same romantic fervour they had become accustomed to during that brief spell in paradise. So fret not: help is at hand.

According to relationship expert Ben Renshaw, in his book, recommended by Relate, ‘Together But Something Missing’, there are a number of key principles for a successful relationship: these include talking more, fearing less, letting go of the past, remembering the spirit zone and sexual healing. We called upon the wisdom of our regular readers to supply us with practical advice to help the newlywed uphold these principles. Needless to say, our readers, men and women alike, have done us proud and we are happy to share their nuggets of genius with you…

Show you have been looking forward to seeing each other every day by spending time preparing and eating food together. While you cook you can chat about your day. Yvonne, Ashton, married 34 years
Feelings of resentment about doing the chores, such as food preparation, can lead to big disputes later on. Sharing the load could be the answer. Even if you’re not the most skilled chopper/peeler, showing a willingness to pitch in means more than just getting food on the table faster: it means you’d rather talk than sink into the couch, TV blaring, and wait, like a princess, to be summoned.

Breakfast in bed with a single flower picked from our garden on a lazy Sunday morning always brings a smile to my face. Steve, Ashton, married 34 years
When did flowers, chocolates and breakfast in bed become too clichéd for consideration? Sometimes, even the most simple gesture can mean the difference between an okay start to the day and a fantastic one. We might think that our partners know exactly how we feel about them, but in this fast-paced, fickle society, it never hurts to take the trouble to remind them. Nothing is too corny if your intention is purely romantic.

Write nice messages, like funny love notes, and leave them in each other’s lunchboxes. Rweena, Newlyn, married 6 years
Try to recapture those early days, when every waking moment was devoted to daydreaming about your new beau. Love notes can be as silly, funny or naughty as you’d care to make them (provided they remain private – scribing your kinkiest desire in marker pen on the roof of his car may be a little too public). Not only will your loved-one get a cheeky reminder of you, you won’t be able to stop wondering about their reaction; this, in turn, leads to plenty of anticipation about your reunion at the end of the day…

Don’t live in each other’s pockets. Hang on to your independence, but keep one night a week especially for your partner. Sue, Hayle, married 24 years
Much as we hate to contradict the mantra of the Spice Girls, two do not become one. Two, in fact, remain two. Compromise is certainly a quality to be admired in relationships, but should it be at the expense of having a fulfilling life as an individual, setting your own goals and enjoying personal successes? So many couples fall into the trap of morphing into a his/hers hybrid, incapable of disagreeing publicly, wearing matching polo shirts and ingesting reams of Sunday broadsheets just to have something to discuss. This, of course, cannot be how they started. We fall in love with a distinct person, imperfect and unfamiliar. Keeping one night sacrosanct sounds great – it’s like the dating never ends, even if it’s just hiring a movie and gorging on comfort food.

Never go to bed on an argument. Kath, Penzance, married 30 years
There are two schools of thought on this one (which is a definite oldie, but goodie). Firstly, if you know each other well enough to recognise a brewing grudge, then trying to sleep with this particular elephant in the room is unlikely to lead to a restful night or happy morning. Good communication is described by Relate’s official guidance as ‘a dance’: it’s about finding the right place to talk, sensing the rhythm and taking it in turns. Even if you know the issue cannot be dealt with at one sitting, simply agreeing a time and place to discuss it means you can retire to bed without the fear of the hump. The other school of thought recommends going straight to bed on an argument, provided sleep is not on your agenda.

Your partner is your best friend, don’t forget that. Polly, Praa Sands, married 28 years
These days, there are lots of pressures on familial and romantic relationships that don’t impact always on friendships – these relationships are often deemed almost too precious to burden with unrealistically high expectations or bad tempers. It is therefore ironic that the one person we choose as our closest friend and next of kin has to bear the brunt of our worst, most peevish moments. Love is: staying friendly.

A relationship is always a work in progress. Work on your relationship and never take each other for granted. John, Penzance, married 30 years
Life is work, work, work. Nobody wants to come home and work some more, but our readers have imparted two golden rules to keep ‘operation relationship’ running smoothly: Firstly, work together; secondly, make it fun. How you make your fun together is up to you.

Always take time to say, “I love you” every day. Jules, Newton Abbott, married 1 year
Our favourite tip so far. We’ve all heard critics to this kind of affection, exclaiming that, said too often, these three little words lose their meaning. For hundreds if not thousands of years they have been the most potent words in civilisation; using them every day cannot diminish them – as long as you mean it.

If you would like more information on common relationship problems or specific advice, you can visit the Relate website: www.relate.org.uk and Ben Renshaw’s book, ‘Together But Missing Something’ is available from www.amazon.co.uk

words Charity Wilson
illustrations Cally Gibson

Copyright WED magazine 2010