Grooms in Cornwall and Devon

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Groomzilla

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A new breed of super groom is alleged to be on the loose - and he's getting stuck into planning your wedding. Wed investigates the Groomzilla: man or myth?

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A new breed of super groom is alleged to be on the loose - and he's getting stuck into planning your wedding. Wed investigates the Groomzilla: is he man or myth?



Bridezilla. A word that strikes fear into the heart of grooms around the globe. We all know the stereotype. Under the pressure of planning the biggest day of their lives, even the most laidback of ladies can find themselves succumbing to stress, withering any man, woman, child or supplier who crosses their path.

Culturally crystallized by the on-screen meltdowns of BBC3's 'Don't Tell The Bride', the world has come to embrace this construction. Upon exhibiting even the mildest of assertive comments, brides jokingly brand themselves using the terminology of a 300-foot, radioactive fire-breathing lizard.  

The stereotypes for gents are very different, and usually fit into one of two distinct categories. Dutiful (and maybe just a little downtrodden), wearily providing the cash needed for his wife-to-be's every nuptial desire. Or, disinterested and demotivated, success measured only in their capacity to arrive on time.

But what of the more 'highly strung' groom? Is there such a thing as a Groomzilla?  And is he a more prevalent beast than his rather apathetic counterpart?

50/50
Instances of full-blown, unfettered Groomzilla are rare. In a recent Wed shout-out, it became apparent that, while there are certainly some interesting cases, the broad stereotypes don't do men much justice. Wendy and Tony, who were married earlier this year, are one of the rarer examples of complete harmony.

"Tony pretty much went with the flow, providing I didn't choose something he hated.  We discussed everything and we chose the food, cake and rings together," says Wendy. "He had total say over the groomsmen's suits and the car, as I did with the dress and bridesmaids' attire. He was very supportive and even helped with research when I was getting frustrated".

Tammy and Andy, who are getting married in 2015, are a further example of sharing the planning duties. "Every decision we make about our day is a joint one, from the venue to the colours and the flowers. He has some great ideas and his input is just as important as mine," says Tammy. However, they are taking things one step further than most: "We are even shopping for our outfits together! Yes, he's going to help me choose my dress!"

More common though, the additional involvement can lead to some pitched battles over specific issues - maybe not Groomzilla, but certainly exhibiting some snarl. Glennon, who is marrying his fiancee Leanne in... explains why it was important for him to have his say and be involved in the day. "Although a wedding is focused on the bride, it's about us as a couple and should incorporate both our tastes. I think she appreciated the input, really!"

While Leanne agrees, she insists that the key to taming any potential conflict is a speedy compromise - and patience if promises don't turn to actions quickly enough. "Often we split who gets to make the final decisions on certain suppliers. Although, he was meant to be choosing the band and he still hasn't done it yet. I like to keep reminding him, I know he will do it eventually!"



Zilla Zone
Of course, while most men have the wisdom to steer clear of volunteering for full-blown, 100% wedding responsibility, that's not to say there isn't a little Groomzilla in many of them. For most, it's a case of being a bit overprotective of their little patch.  Jo, still in the midst of planning, has been kept in the dark over more than a few details.

"My other half really wants to be involved, and has taken complete control of certain things. I'm having no say in his suit or the cake (he's doing them as a surprise). He's also arriving on his motorbike, which is the one thing he wanted most - and I had zero say about!"

Sometimes though, the stars align, giving oft destructive 'zilla tendencies a chance to be used for good. Kevin and partner Gemma, who are getting married next year, are holding their reception at home. House-proud and a man of clear vision, Kevin has taken the opportunity to dive headfirst into a complete renovation.

"I have totally redecorated the house - inside and out - as well as re-designing the garden, where the reception will be held," he says. "I think I may have gone a bit OTT with replanting the garden and clearing things out. I'm sure I've thrown things away that were priceless decorations, and dug up weeds that were actually plants!"

Biting the Budget
However, there were a few responses that suggest maybe the latent Wedzilla gene is just as powerful in men - it simply manifests differently. While expected behaviour for brides is to micromanage and freak out, grooms' wedding meltdowns related to watching the budget like a hawk.  

Sharon and Paul, married in 2012, still remember their planning battles vividly, but suggest that overcoming the initial financial friction is worth it, as it saw an initially disengaged Paul share accounting duties in the end.

"But after a few months of me booking suppliers and paying out of the joint account he suddenly became a lot more interested! After that he wanted everything to be 50/50. Except the dress, of course!"

'Just Arrive on Time'
Of course, there were more than a few who fell firmly into the Groomchilla category.  Angelica, who was married last year, suggests that that her husband's "only notable success was to turn up on the day...in trainers".

While Laura, who is getting married in June 2015, might not face the challenge of footwear, she struggles to detach her partner from a shiny screen whenever the topic of planning comes up.

"My fiance has gone to venues with me, but ultimately he's just gone with my choices. He generally listens for about five minutes when I'm talking weddings, but then the eyes glaze over - or worse, he starts playing with his phone!"

Nikkie and her fiance, both wedding photographers, know better than most the many intricacies and stresses of wedding planning, and have seen their fair share of 'zilla and chilla couples.

"He's very much in the 'let the bride plan it all' brigade. It's something he has in common with 90% of the grooms whose weddings we photograph! I tell him the details, sometimes he's interested, sometimes not so much. But it's ok, I know he'd do more if I asked...and I am better at this sort of thing!"



CelebriZilla
So it would seem that the South West fails to engender true wide-eyed Groomzilla madness. In most cases, the more 'assertive' groom is a welcome partner, frustrating though it can be. Does this mean that the fast-rising Groomzilla stereotype is a complete fallacy? Not quite...

Thankfully, we can always turn to celebrities for examples of the extreme. Kanye West (admittedly, a man not generally known for his reserved nature) proved this wonderfully in the run-up to his wedding to Kim Kardashian. For Mr West, his day would be exactly how he wanted.  

Try to remember the next time your partner is sharing his thoughts on colour scheme, chair covers or wedding favours, it could always be worse....
1.    Allegedly demanding the French government make changes to state law, so that they could waiver the need to have resided in the country for at least 40 days before the ceremony.
2.    The $136,000 sound system was deemed too ostentatious. He felt 'Italians did not understand his minimalist style'. Guests listened to his iPod during dinner instead.
3.    Unhappy that certain wedding decorations could be seen from the 'public' area of the venue. Kanye hired a crane to move everything 230 feet up a hill. This included a 49-foot gold plated p̶o̶r̶t̶a̶l̶o̶o̶ t̶o̶i̶l̶e̶t̶ bespoke wash system.

GROOM WITH A VIEW
Some readers share their experiences of planning-happy grooms...

"My husband made a recording of him playing his guitar for the music for me to walk down the aisle to and the music played during the signing of the register and walking back out again. He helped me choose my shoes as well and the drink we had for our toast (baobab and rum smoothie!)." Kim

"Mine said I could do whatever I liked, so long as he gets to choose the first dance... Should I be worried?" Sophie
 
"My husband was totally involved, we did it together as we mean to go on in our relationship. Couples who train together stay together, same as couples who work together and build together stay forever." Joanne

words Christopher Wasey

Copyright wed magazine 2014